Snake in the Hole, or Fore-sight is Worth 20,000 Words
by persnicketyfics
Summary: Why is Severus Snape playing mini-golf? A series of drabbles updating once a day. Inspired (okay, challenged) by Toodleoo. Recognizable characters belong to JK Rowling (all hail).
1. Putt of the Joke

Severus stared hard at the faded pink ball in front of him. He wasn't entirely sure how he'd arrived at this point, but arrived he had.

"Pink," he snorted, annoyed all over again. Surely someone would die this afternoon.

"Come on Snape!" a voice shouted from the opposite end of the green. "Don't just stare at the blasted thing all day! Take your ruddy turn!" More sniggering and a barely controlled squeak sounded from behind him, clashing horrifically with the clatter and clank of the rickety woodmill.

Severus sneered and, ignoring the voice, lined up his shot.

He missed. Spectacularly.


	2. Hole in None

Fred - at least, he thought it was Fred - guffawed from his place in line at the next setup. "Guess old Snapey can't get it in the hole after all, Georgie!"

Severus' narrowed eyes and growl were cut off by the sound of one bossy little swot of a lioness rounding on her best friend's brother. "Fred Weasley, if I hear one more hideous golf pun out of you - particularly one at Severus's expense, I will personally hex you bits until they _permanently_ resemble a garden gnome and smell of sewage."

"Hermione!" the redhead protested through his giggling snorts

"Shut. It!"


	3. Below Par

Severus felt the glower slide off his face as a soft hand stroked down his forearm. "It's alright, love. You're still four below par. You'll make it up." Hermione gave him a quick peck on the cheek and returned to the tee to take her shot.

Hers went through the center hole of the windmill and directly into the hole.

"Oh!" she exclaimed. "Another one! Lovely." She looked ahead to where the wonder twins and their dates, Parvati and Padma were looking. She shot the two redheads the double fingers and sauntered ahead to allow Harry and Luna their turns.


	4. Perfect Potter

Luna sent her fiancé a twinkling smile before lining up and taking her shot. She hit the rightmost entrance to the windmill and shot just left of the hole. She wrinkled her nose and moved off to the side next to Severus and Hermione. "Such distracting wrackspurts here!"

Harry's shot, like Hermione's, sank on the first stroke. Severus rolled his eyes. _Perfect Potter wins again,_ he thought without much malice. They'd long since buried that hatchet and now operated on fairly friendly terms. Well, friendly for Snape.

After all, what choice did a snake have when dating the Gryffindor Princess?


	5. THAT Davenport

It had started innocently enough. He'd been teaching Potions and acting as Minerva's deputy. She'd arrived two years before, all bushy hair and bright ideas on how to revolutionize the teaching of Arithmancy in the wake of Septima's (well-deserved) retirement.

The revolution had yet to arrive - not for any lack of trying on Granger's part - but they'd collaborated on a few projects early on in her tenure.

Until last Easter, when she'd cornered him in the staffroom and proceeded to snog him senseless.

They were still partial to snuggling on that particular davenport after the staff retired for the night.


	6. Denim Constriction

Being with Hermione through Spring and early Summer had been sheer bliss. She was warm and inviting, attentive but not smothering, intelligent, beautiful, and a delight to converse with over a glass or two in the evenings.

Summer, however, was another story.

She'd returned to Grimmauld for the holiday, and privacy was in short supply. He'd returned to his small flat in Harrow-on-the-Hill. They met several times a week at his place or hers...but the freedom summer came with a cost: outings with her friends.

Which is how he'd been convinced to don constricting Muggle jeans and play _mini-golf._


	7. Fuchsia Mammoth

They moved to the next hole which seemed to include a giant fuchsia mammoth at its center. The goal was to shoot the ball at its...dear Merlin, who designed this thing? On what planet was it acceptable to create a course in which one attempted to shove a golf ball up a pachyderm anus? He slid a side-long glance at Hermione before queuing up his shot. She merely grinned and reminded him, "it's an artist-designed course, love. It's going to be a bit weird."

He narrowed his eyes at the offending sphincter.

Of course the stupid ball struck home.


	8. Par Three

He turned to see Hermione wide-eyed and pink cheeked and Harry and Luna desperately trying to smother their own lascivious grins.

"Not. A. Word," Severus groused as he stalked to the edge of the course. He took great interest in watching his ball shoot out the mammoth's trunk and spin into the hole.

There must be some sort of pneumatic mechanism within the behemoth to carry the ball on its backward journey through the digestive tract.

Hermione eyed the golf ball suppository warily before teeing up and shooting around the par three sculpture.

 _Now why didn't I think of that?_


	9. Dirigible Plum Juice

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" Theo's voice rang loud and clear from the fuchsia mammoth set-up as Severus, Hermione, the Boy-Wonder, and Luna approached a hole with a spinning tornado blocking the direct path to the goal.

Luna stared at the gauze and mesh funnel cloud. "This reminds me of a movie you made me watch once, Hermione. That one where they got magic all wrong."

"You mean _The Wizard of Oz_?" Severus supplied with a quirked eyebrow.

"Yes, that's the one. Silly, really. Only witches who drink dirigible plum juice under the new moon have green skin."


	10. Scrunchie Face

"Stuff it, Theo," Pansy supplied, prodding the man with her club. "Either take your shot or take a bogey and get out of my way."

"Why's it called a bogey anyway," asked Neville. "That's kind of disgusting."

"I question the sanity of anyone who thinks hitting balls into holes with a crooked stick is high entertainment," Theo replied, giving Neville a peck on the cheek.

"Less kissing, more playing!" Pansy said, prodding Theo again.

"Calm down, Pans," Ron soothed. "You're going to make the baby come out with a scrunchie face."

"Scrunchie? Is that even a word?" Hermione pondered aloud.


	11. Molly's Cooking

"Focus on your own game, Hermione!" Pansy shouted as her husband facepalmed behind her.

"It's amazing how shrill her voice gets when she's expecting," Harry muttered.

Severus laughed a bit at that. "Oh, trust me, it was always that shrill. She was just better at hiding her harridan tendencies."

"Well, Ron always did want a witch who was like his mum," Harry replied.

Hermione sighed. "Who _cooked_ like his mum, Harry. Now go, it's your turn."

"That would rather explain why the two of you went nowhere after Hogwarts," Severus murmured in Hermione's ear. "Good thing I like ordering in."


	12. Sibilant-ly

Hermione turned her head to give him a sly smile. "If what I've seen this summer is any indication, you'd be happiest if you could spend the entire summer at home reading and brewing with someone delivering you meals at regular intervals."

"Don't forget spectacular shagging every night, love." He whispered the sibilant sounds in a way that he knew would send shivers up her spine. An easy touch, his lioness. "I think we should leave _very_ soon, love. How many holes did you say were left?"

His blushing lover groaned as she leaned back into his warm chest. "Twelve."


	13. How to Win

"I suggest you begin to play very quickly, Hermione," he purred, "and leave off the arithmancy equations before you take each shot."

"But that's how I win!" Hermione replied with a slight whine in her voice.

"Miss Granger," he said, skimming his hands down her hips, "do you want to do well or do you want to _be done_ well?"

"Well, Professor, when you put it that way…" she sighed.

She turned toward the tee and took her shot without hesitation. The red ball hit the funnel, dropped down onto a shaker plate, and shimmied its way into the hole.


	14. Such Tension

The tension between Severus and Hermione seemed to have an effect on the entire group. Suddenly everyone was taking haphazard shots, nudging opponent's balls into the hole, and outright cheating to advance the game. They did stop to appreciate some of the odder displays - a hole that involved a teetering sculpture of battered drums and flattened brass instruments was particularly fun - but everyone suddenly seemed in a big hurry to end the outing and go home.

When at last Hermione's group approached the final hole - a 50 yard length of bright purple astroturf - they'd all ceased to keep score entirely.


	15. Fifteen!

Severus watched as Hermione hacked her way down the astroturf hall with glee. She'd begun to revel in playing as quickly and badly as possible since his revelation at the sixth hole, and speed mini-golf seemed to be the new sport within their group. Except for Neville and Theo. He was positive that he didn't want to know where those two had hidden themselves.

A squeal rang from fifty yards away as Hermione raised her club in the air and performed what could only be described as a delightfully jiggly victory dance. "Hole in fifteen!" she cried with a laugh.


	16. Grandma's Basement

They finished the final hole quickly - thanks in large part to four members of their group skipping it entirely - and finally found Theo and Neville back at hole sixteen. The men had been snogging on the couch of the hole designated "Grandma's Basement." Severus found himself smirking slightly at the thought of Neville's _actual_ grandmother encountering him in lip-lock with a former Slytherin in the basement of Longbottom Manor.

Pansy's voice boomed through the course, startling Severus out of his thoughts. "Dammit Theo, we can't take you anywhere!"

"She really _is_ just like Molly," Hermione said in a stage whisper.


	17. Towblinges

"I heard that Granger!" Pansy shrieked.

"Exactly!" Hermione grinned, looking at Severus. "Time to go, I think."

"Oh, stay for drinks, Hermione!" Luna chimed. "They have one that they serve in a flower pot! I've heard it's quite good."

Severus interceded before Hermione. "Thank you, Miss - Luna. But we have a pressing engagement elsewhere. It has been an...enlightening afternoon."

"I'm so glad you enjoyed yourself Severus!" Luna smiled in return. "We're golfing again next month. You must come. It's the best relief for towblinges!" With that, she stood on tiptoe and pecked the confused Potions master on the cheek.


	18. Wonderful

"Is Miss Lovegood always so…"

"Affectionate?" Hermione said with a smirk as the walked to a secluded apparation point. "Yes. You get used to it."

Severus gave his lover a smile in return, but it didn't stop the cold sweat that appeared under his collar at the thought of seeing her friends on a regular basis. He'd barely survived the day without snarling or snapping at any of his former students, Hermione included. For all that he'd mellowed in recent years, twenty-somethings - and the boy-who-annoyed-Severus-to-the-point-of-murder in particular - still brought out the worst in him.

"Wonderful," was his only verbal reply.


	19. Well Done

He took the opportunity to enfold her in a tight embrace before they twisted away to his flat. As a man of foresight, he'd thought ahead and brought them directly to the bedroom. Rather than remark on his presumptuousness, Hermione grinned and stripped off her shirt, flinging it in the corner as soon as they stopped spinning.

"I do believe I was promised to be well-done?" she said with a little smirk.

"And as you know, I try to never break a promise...at least, not a promise that I mean," he growled in response, hands moving to her hips.


	20. Suffer

The sex was, as always, shattering. Severus slanted a glance toward the sweating, sated woman next to him and smirked with pride.

He heard her sigh beside him. "Before you, Severus, I never knew just how much could be communicated with a simple twist of the lips."

"I don't know what you're referring to, you insufferable woman," he replied, brushing his damp hair back.

She laughed at that, the sound bubbling out with obviously delight. "Clearly." Her hand drifted lower, tracing patterns on his pelvis and reawakening his arousal. "I think in this case, you should clearly suffer me again."


	21. Crockery

Later - much later - they dug into a shared of farfalle bolognese in his breakfast nook. Their meal was nearly silent but for the clink of utensils off serviceable crockery and the occasional glug of a wineglass being refilled. It was, Severus thought, his idea of heaven. It didn't hurt that his dining partner looked rather fetching in his discarded shirt.

This idyll was broken when Hermione leaned back to ponder him over her wineglass. "I'm so glad you get along with my friends now. You know, after everything."

He gave her the slight smile that was reserved solely for her.


	22. Survival

Though his outward demeanor did not falter, Severus's body had tensed, ready for battle.

 _I'm so glad you get along with my friends…_

Merlin help him, she clearly meant for her friends to be a fixture in their lives. If he remained with Hermione, it would mean dinners with Potter and his ilk, evenings out on the town. More _mini-golf_. He swallowed the bile that rose in his throat.

He knew wanted Hermione in his life. Recently he'd begun to believe that he wanted her there permanently. He just wasn't sure he wanted her friends. Or that he'd survive them.


	23. FFS

"Hermione," Severus began. "How often would you say you saw your friends?"

"Hm?" Her eyes focused in from a moment of distraction. "Oh, about once a week during term. Almost every day in the summers. I mean, I live with Harry and Luna. Why?"

"Just curious." He opened his mouth to speak again, only to be interrupted by a silvery stag appearing in his kitchen. "Oh, for fuck's sake," he huffed.

Potter's voice rang loudly in the small room. "Hermione! You didn't return last night. I figure you're with Snape. Oh, hello Snape!" The stag's voice was almost unbearably cheerful.


	24. Feeling's Mutual

Hermione smiled indulgently. "Harry's not great with boundaries," she explained. "Ever since he and Ron lost sight of me at Malfoy Manor all those years ago, he's started keeping tabs."

Severus grunted, alerting Hermione to his change in mood.

"It's alright, Severus. I mean, it makes dating a bit of a pain. He knows I'm with you and that you won't let harm come to me."

He covered her hand with his own. "Of course not. It took me long enough to see you for yourself. I have no intention of losing you now."

She smiled brightly. "The feeling's mutual."


	25. Two Choices

He could still feel her kisses hours after she'd left, but it was their conversation that lingered in his mind. He thought - no, he _knew_ \- that he wanted a future with Hermione. Logically, that meant that he'd have to put up with her boneheaded friends.

Frequently, apparently.

 _I seem to have two choices_ , he thought. _I could ignore the dunderheads and never see Hermione because she's_ always _around them. Or I could suck it up and attempt to stomach their company._

He contemplated this a full ten seconds before he dashed to the bathroom and the dry heaves set in.


	26. The Plan

Friends with Potter. With _Potter._ It really was too much.

Hadn't he sacrificed? Given back? Atoned? For the past few months he'd hoped that karma had finally given him a pass...that he could keep this one, new good thing in his life.

It seemed that, as in all things, his relationship with Hermione came with strings.

Scar-headed, annoying, and utterly infuriating strings.

It wasn't fair, but when had life ever been fair? Severus rested his head against the tub, letting the cool porcelain sooth the brewing headache.

One thought resounded: _I love Hermione_.

And so he began to plan.


	27. Boneheaded

He loved Hermione. Hermione was best friends with Weasley and Potter (and the rest of their ilk). Ergo, Severus would need to become friends - or at least friendly - with Weasley, Potter, and other assorted Gryffindors. Simple, really.

He grimaced, suddenly recalling that the motley crew of red-wearing, brave, dunderheads were twenty years younger than him. And that he wasn't exactly the most adept at making friends.

Severus was well aware that he was neither jolly nor good-natured. His sense of humor wasn't macabre, it was downright morbid. What could possibly entice those painfully boneheaded, overly protective idiots to befriend him?

* * *

AN: It turns out that I totally forgot to post Chapter 21, which was kinda SUPER IMPORTANT. So...I highly recommend you go back and read that one. It'll make the rest of the story to date make WAY more sense.


	28. Potions Ingredients

"Alcohol," Severus muttered.

Boneheaded idiots bond over alcohol. Or they pass out trying.

He nodded to himself decisively as he put parchment to pen.

Once his letters were sent, he sat down and embraced the hyperventilation. Across town, Ron's head popped into the sitting room fire of Grimmauld Place.

"Harry," the befreckled ginger groaned, "please say that you just received an invitation to Snape's place for tomorrow and that he didn't invite me over to murder me and use my body for portions ingredients like he always threatened. Or if he is, that he's going to kill you with me."


	29. Dust Bunnies

Harry sat up with a start, dislodging a rather well-snogged Luna. She landed on the floor with a soft _fwump_ on the faded rug.

"Did you know you have dust bunnies under here, Harry?"

"Doesn't surprise me. I'll ask Kreacher to take care of them."

"I'm not sure Kreacher knows much about raising domestic dust bunnies. I've seen him sweep them up before. I'll just take these upstairs and put them with the others."

"Alright, you do that love," he agreed distractedly before turning his attention back to green glowing face in his hearth. "Now what's all this about Snape?"


	30. Nibbles

Severus stood in the kitchen the following day, assessing the spread he'd laid out for entertaining his former students. He'd planned well, selecting roasted pork, pickle, ham, and cheese as well as a lovely foccacia that he knew would be wasted on the hollow leg and gaping maw that was Ronald Weasley.

There were cheese nibbles, chocolate frogs, ale, and firewhiskey too. He even had butterbeer in the fridge, knowing Hermione would drink it if the boys did not.

He recited the safe topics of conversation one more time, tugging at his sweater as a knock sounded at the door.


	31. Drinks

Severus opened the door to reveal Harry, Ron, and Neville on his doorstep. "Gentlemen, do come in." He stepped back to usher them into the flat.

"Listen, Snape. What's this all about?" Ron asked, puffing out his chest.

Severus raised a brow. "About?"

"What was with the cryptic letters?"

"I thought I'd been quite clear." He wondered where his phrasing had gone wrong.

Ron snorted, crossing his arms. "Right. 'Come over for drinks.' Is that code for something?"

Neville elbowed Ron in the ribs, gesturing toward the loaded table. "Ron, I think he was actually inviting us over for drinks."


	32. Fancy a Pint?

Ron stared at Severus with a poleaxed expression rather than apologize for his rudeness. Accepting this as the best he would get, he preceded them into the kitchen to offer each man a pint and a plate.

"So, Sn -" Harry faltered at the look on his former professor's face. "Severus? Severus. Why _did_ you invite us over for drinks."

"The war ended eight years ago, Pot - Harry," Severus began. "I am in a relationship with one of your best friends. I thought it time we move beyond awkward group outings and try to get to know one another. As adults."


	33. Old Ripy

Harry found himself nodding thoughtfully at this pronouncement. "Then, thank you. I'm glad you reached out." He gave his former nemesis a lopsided smile and reached into his pocket, quickly resizing a bottle. "I brought this, just in case."

"Old Ripy's Kentucky Bourbon? I can't say I've ever experienced this particular libation. Made from corn, isn't it?"

"Yep. Luna's a fan and she got me hooked awhile back. Firewhiskey is fine, but this stuff will knock your socks off."

Severus pulled the cork and took a whiff, privately thinking he could scour cauldrons with the stuff. "To new beginnings, then."


	34. Marcellius

Several hours later, Severus found himself prostrate on the couch while Neville, Ron, and Harry giggled like lunatics over some of the antics his recent students had gotten into. "I'm telling you, Marcellius Llewelyn is ten times worse than you were ever wore, Longbottom. How he managed to brew mustard gas rather than a simple swelling solution is beyond me."

"The funny thing is that Nev here's a right good cook, for all that he can't brew," Ron said, slapping the former Potions menace on the shoulder. Neville colored at his words.

"Are you really?" Severus asked doubtfully.

"I'll prove it."


	35. As a Skunk

Upon reflection, allowing Neville to attempt Bananas Foster after splitting a bottle of bourbon was a decidedly bad idea, but Severus assumed the boy's eyebrows would grow back. Eventually.

And the flambéd fruits had been delicious.

Full and still a bit tipsy, Severus meandered his way into his bedroom and pulled a list from his nightstand drawer. With only a slightly shaky hand, he crossed "Ingratiate self to Potter brat and ilk" off his list before shutting the drawer and re-warding it from snooping eyes (namely Hermione's).

He fell back against his pillow and proceeded to fall asleep fully dressed.


	36. Hungover

He woke the next morning with cotton in his mouth and a weight on his chest. Opening on bleary eye, he found the source of the weight -- Crookshanks perched on top of the blankets, sniffing at Severus's face.

"Hermione?" he groaned, his voice coming out as more prepubescent squawk than actual words. Even that one word grated his vocal cords and made his head pound.

It hardly mattered. There was no answer to his query, merely a note stuck to the spare pillow with a temporary charm.

 _Drink this, then come eat. --H_

He quaffed the potion with ill-concealed relief.


	37. Tea, Wonderful Tea

Twenty minutes later, a showered, dressed, and somewhat less hungover Snape made it into the kitchen. A bowl of porridge with honey and walnuts sat under a stasis charm next to a large carafe of tea.

"Either the elves are trying to feed me again, or you are quite simply the most wonderful woman on the face of the planet."

"More the latter, I should think," Hermione murmured in a snug voice. "I take it you and the boys had a good evening?"

"Truthfully, I don't remember much of it," he mumbled, pouring a large mug of life-affirming, aromatic tea.


	38. Monkey Cage

He sipped at his tea, eyeing his lover over the mug. "I take it you've seen your friends this morning?"

"I have, and honestly they look worse than you. They apparently decided to celebrate 'drinks with Snape' by having more drinks with themselves. Grimmauld Place smells like a monkey cage right now.

"Delightful."

"Mmm. So what, may I ask, possessed you to invite my friends over for drinks and fiery food tricks last night?"

He snorted, spooning up porridge before repeating the official line he's scripted three days ago. "Time to bury the hatchet."

It rang false when said aloud.


	39. Secrets

"Alright, keep your secrets then," Hermione replied serenely. "No more flambéd facial hair, alright? Theo is going to have a fit when he catches sight of Neville."

Severus smirked and silently thought he'd enjoy being a fly on that wall.

He watched as the orange monstrosity -- aherm -- cat strolled into the room. "He certainly thinks he owns the place, doesn't he?" he said softly.

"Mmm. Hope you don't mind that I bought him with me. There were...substances on the floor in the house. I didn't want him getting into the sick."

"He is your familiar, Hermione. He is welcome."


	40. Gryffs

Later that night, as Hermione lay sleeping beside him, Severus withdrew the list from his nightstand drawer for further study.

He'd opted to approach the task of befriending Hermione's friends methodically, much as he had during his attempts to ingratiate himself to Voldemort and the high-ranking Death Eaters all those years ago. Not that he'd had the luxury of writing down his plans back then.

The next item on the list promised to be entertaining. If nothing else, his task would allow him to be himself while extending the supposed hand of friendship.

 _Item 2: Play Quidditch with idiot Gryffs._


	41. Sister

"You sure about this, mate? Two times in a week...this new Snape is almost more frightening than the old one," Ron whinged.

Harry shrugged. "He said he wanted Slytherin-Gryffindor All-Star match. He's bringing the snakes, we're in charge of the lions. No professionals."

"Whodyu think Snape will bring, then?" George asked.

Harry nodded his head toward the far end of the field. "I think we're about to find out."

"Potty!" Draco shouted from far end of the field. "You made me leave my naked, nubile, blushing bride in bed for this lot?"

"Oi, that's my sister" four voices chorused in unison.


	42. Beater

Harry was beginning to regret bringing quite so many Weasleys to the match. Charlie, George, Fred, and Ron were all brilliant players, but they saw red when it came to defending their sister. Aurora were called to remove Fred from the field just the previous week when he rushed the field in a wild attempt to tackle the opposing Beater who'd broken Ginny's nose.

And Draco, bless his ferretty little heart, bloody well knew it.

Snape had taken All-Star to heart. He's not only brought Draco as Seeker, but Flint (Beater) and Bullstrode (Keeper). Snape, unsurprisingly, was playing Beater too.


	43. Surprisingly Strong

Hermione wasn't sure how they'd managed to convince Rolanda Hooch to referee the game, but she could only assume that Severus had leaned on their long-time (and not a littler combative) friendship to convince her to show.

Luna had _insisted_ on commentating.

The game moved almost too swiftly for Hermione to follow, but as far as she could tell it was a pretty even matchup. Severus was an extremely capable Beater, despite his unconventional physical build for the role. His wiry frame hid a surprisingly strong upper body thanks to years of hefting filled cauldrons without the aid of magic.


	44. Carnage

The match was brutal. The Quaffle flew there and back again as players whizzed around the field, dodging Bludgers lobbed by Severus, Rowle, and the Weasley twins. Hermione winced as Severus managed to unseat Charlie from his broom. She could hear the crunch of bone from the stands.

The man's aim was frighteningly accurate.

An _episky_ later, and Charlie rejoined the carnage. In contrast, Luna's serene commentary floated over shouts and grunts.

"Weasley comma C passes to Creevey the younger. It's really too bad Angelina is playing professionally as she's much better than Dennis, but that's neither here nor there."


	45. Umph

"Of course, Johnson is linked to the Rotfang Conspiracy. Her long-term tenure with the Harpies is the direct result of -"

" _Luna_!" shouted an exasperated Harry, floating above his fiancee.

"Oh, hello Harry! You look very handsome up there, love, but you should be playing. It looks like Draco has spotted the Snitch!" Harry shot off after the Malfoy heir.

"Oops! Watch out Harry!" Luna caroled as Malfoy met Potter with a resounding _umph_ , the Snitch squashed between them. As the two men attempted to untangle their gear, the small golden ball wriggled from between them and flitted out of sight.


	46. Damn and Blast

"And now Creevey has thrown the ball -"

Draco's shout could be heard from a hundred feet up. "QUAFFLE!"

" - at the hoop thing -"

"Dammit Potter, if she weren't you're fiancée -"

"And Rowle scores!" Luna executed a polite golf clap that resounded like thunder over the pitch. "All-star Gryffs 40. All-star Snakes - 120."

Severus couldn't hold back the open grin as he heard the score, pausing only briefly to slam a bludger toward Potter, who appeared to be rocketing off toward the Snitch. The boy-wonder dodged (damn and blast!), but lost sight of the golden ball during his quick tuck and roll.


	47. That is Quidditch

The score was 210 to 50 by the time Draco spotted the snitch. Unfortunately Potter, for all his lack of observation in the classroom, spotted it almost as quickly...closer to his end of the pitch. The game ended with Slytherin winning 210 to Gryffindor's 200.

"Good game, Sn-everus!" Harry said, clapping Severus on the back just a _mite_ too hard.

Severus sneered and responded with what he thought was appropriate post-gane banter. " _We_ played an excellent game. It is too bad Draco's poor pitch placement denied him the Snitch as well the point lead, but alas that is Quidditch."


	48. A Few Rounds

Severus was pleasantly surprised to discover that a friendly game of Quidditch was generally followed by a friendly round (or six) and post-mortem at The Three Broomsticks.

By the time they'd started the fifth round, however, Severus discovered that he was no longer I rehashing every nuance of the game. Quidditch was a fun pasttime, but he couldn't eat, breathe, and sleep it as Weasley and Potter seemed to do.

Around this time, he also discovered that his lover had left the inn some time between round two and Weasley's rousing (read: deafening) rendition of the Chudley Cannons fight song.


	49. Erudite

Severus was concerned. He hadn't actually seen Hermione leave and she'd certainly never left in the midst of an outing before. Not that they took that many outings in such large numbers. Setting down his...sixth? seventh? Firewhiskey, Severus leaned in toward Potter and Draco "It has been a pleasure, but I must be going."

"And where do you think you're off to, Uncle?" Draco asked, somehow managing to sound like the most erudite, drunken prat in all of England.

"If you have to ask, you and your wife clearly aren't doing it right," Severus replied in his coldest tone.


	50. Weasleys

"Y'know, Snape, if I didn't know better I'd think you're implying something about my sister AND my best friend," Ron said, clearly a worse for the alcohol he'd consumed. 

"Oh, give it a rest Weasley. I've been with Hermione for months. Draco married your sister two years ago. At some point you'll have to accept that they're both adults and sexual creatures." Severus said with a somewhat overdone eyeroll. 

He didn't see the first punch coming, but he managed to deflect the second before catching Ron squarely in the jaw. 

Then he remembered the other three Weasleys in the room.


	51. Clink

Severus looked over his shoulder at the other three hot-headed gingers in the room and raised an eyebrow. George and Fred merely shrugged, then jerked their thumbs toward their older brother in unison. "We're not the ones you have to worry about."

Charlie set his drink down with soft clink. "You struck my little brother," he stated carefully.

Severus nodded. "I did."

"My baby brother."

"Hoo boy," Potter muttered behind Snape.

"I powdered that boy's arse, Snape. If anyone is going punch him, it's going to be me. Now step aside." With that, Charlie shouldered Severus out of his way.


	52. Perversely

One would think that, after two and a half decades of teaching at Hogwarts, Severus Snape would recognize that Gryffindors are quick to throw a punch...and equally quick to back an underdog. Before he knew it, punches were flying front, left, and center. Harry had apparently taken Ron's part in the fight, lashing out with a kick against Charlie and Fred and George had, perversely, decided to split the difference. They each chose a side, then switched with each other every minute or so.

Severus mostly tried to remain on his feet and dodge whatever blows came his direction.


	53. Arms Full

Severus may have landed a blow or two of his own, but his rapidly swelling eye prevented him from jumping full-force into the melee.

Charlie was a sight to behold. A decade of wrangling dragons may have made him brawny, but growing up Weasley had made him wily. He had both Ron and Harry in headlocks before more than a glass of firewhiskey had been spilt.

Severus would have been impressed if he weren't fending off rabbit punches from the twins.

"Enough, lads," Charlie huffed, arms full of idiots. "Go fetch us another round before Rosmerta kicks us out. Again."


	54. Dung

Snape's plan to return home and find his wayward girlfriend was promptly abandoned in favor or placing a cooling charm on his eye and engaging in the Neanderthal tradition of bonding after a fistfight by drinking himself stupid.

It was actually much more fun than he'd thought it would be. He appreciated Charlie in particular as he seemed disinterested in rehashing every blow of the skirmish and instead started a conversation on the magical properties if dragon dung.

It was gone one by the time he finally remembered that he'd arrived here _with_ a certain witch who'd long since disappeared.


	55. Cold Floo Season

By the time Severus arrived home that night, he was more than a bit drunk, definitely bruised, and in desperate need of a hot shower and a cuddle with his Hermione.

What he came home to, however, was a cold hearth and a dark sitting room. He had just enough presence of mind to recognize that this was NOT a good sign. They'd planned to spend the night together after the Quidditch game, but it looked like she hadn't even been there, and she was certainly keyed to the wards.

"Shite," he muttered before shouting "Grimmauld Place" into the floo.


	56. Schnape

The sound of Hermione's voice floated out of kitchen as he was stepping out of the floo. "Harry, you idiot. Do you and Ron have to beat the tar out of one another every time you drink?" Severus found his Hermione doctoring Potter.

"Washn't Ron," a drunken Harry slurred though puffy lips.

"Well, who was it then?"

"Thish one wash Sharlie," Harry said, gesturing toward his face. "And thish one wash Fred," he pointed toward a gash on his shin. "Or maybe George."

"And those?" she asked, nudging her best friend in the ribs.

"Ouch, Mione! That one wash Shnape."


	57. Thoshe Foots

"Severus?" Hermione said in surprise. "Are you sure?"

"I'm shure. Nasty kick he's got with thoshe dragon hide foots."

"Boots."

"Yeah. Boots."

"To be fair, Potter, I was aiming for the younger Weasley." Severus said from the doorway. "Also, might I trouble you for some ice?"

"Severus!" Hermione exclaimed again. "Oh, your eye," she said, concerned. Then seeming to remember herself, followed with "You're all idiots. No ice, use a cooling spell and I'll get to you when I've stopped Harry from bleeding."

"Here's the ointment, Hermione," Luna chimed, waltzing into the room. "Hello Severus. Oh, you do look roguish."


	58. Dunderheaded

"Did you have a run-in with the humdingers too?" Luna asked with a tilt of her head.

"I...what?"

Meanwhile he heard a huff of air next to him. "Sit down Severus," Hermione said in a commanding voice.

Taking silence for the better part of valor, Severus sat without comment and allowed Hermione to cast a cooling charm on his eye and apply ointment to his cuts.

"Idiots, all of you," she muttered under her breath as she worked. "I hope Pansy is giving Ron hell at home. I can't believe grown, bloody, _dunderheaded_ men still fight like errant schoolboys."


	59. Pygmy Puffs

"I am _not_ a dunderhead," Severus said, hissing through his teeth as Hermione switched from ointment to muggle antiseptic. "And that stuff is unnecessary."

"Either doctor your own wounds or shut up," she snapped.

Harry leaned toward his former professor and stage whispered, "Just do as she says, Snape. You don't want to see her angry."

"What are you talking about? I've seen her angry," he sneered in return. "I've seen pygmy puffs with more temper."

"Then you haven't seen her angry, mate," Harry said, backing away from his best friend and her lover just as Hermione's hair began sparking.


	60. Fart-eating

"I can hear you both, you know," she said through clenched teeth. "And you're both a pair of dunderheaded, fart eating, arse hats. Just so you know. Now sit still and, more importantly, shut it."

Harry nodded agreeably, pressing his lips together and miming a key turning in a lock. A little giggle escaped from Luna as she wrapped Harry's ribs. "Purple or blue?" she asked her fiancé.

Harry shook his head in denial, then grinned at his Luna. "Red," he whispered.

"That bad, huh? I'm going for purple, personally."

"What part of shut it do you two not understand?"


	61. A Bad Idea

Severus watched in detached fascination as his lover's hair began to spark with red, electric current. Now this is a new development.

"Not fair," Luna said. "You cheated by making her more angry."

"We weren't betting, Lunes. There's nothing to cheat," Harry said, nuzzling her stomach as she stroked her hair.

"Are they always like this?" Severus asked cautiously.

"Shut up. I'm not talking to you," Hermione replied, healing a gash on his forehead with his wand and handing him a pain potion.

Severus was beginning to think that coming to Grimmauld in this state had been a bad idea.


	62. 45 Degrees

Hermione still wasn't talking to him.

He'd been at Grimmauld for an hours, watching her brew sober-up potion. He'd actually been too soused to do it himself.

Which was a first.

He'd gotten what was, quite possibly, the most sour look he'd ever seen when he'd corrected her knife angle.

Though he'd been right. It was at 60 degrees rather than the mandated 45. But that was beside the point.

Finally he did the only thing he could think to do in a situation in which one's lover was angry, sparking, and holding a sharpened silver blade.

"I'm sorry, Hermione."


	63. Idiot

"Sorry for what, exactly?" she hissed, mincing the lemongrass somewhat aggressively.

"I'm sorry for becoming so inebriated that upset you. And for punching your friends," he said cautiously.

She looked up then, her knife pausing in its attack of the dried aromatic. "Is that why you think I'm upset with you?"

He was drawn up short. "I - yes? No? Was there something more?"

She set her knife down and rested her weight on the potions bench. The sparks died down a little. "For someone so intelligent, you're a complete idiot sometimes." She paused and let that sink in before continuing.


	64. Not My Idea of Fun

"I honestly couldn't care less if you want to pickle your brain cells in Ogden's, but I do _not_ care to be ignored." She stated it firmly, narrowing her eyes to ensure that he'd understood what she'd said. "If I wanted to spend my time waiting for my drunk partner to finish recounting every move he'd made in the past two hours and then getting into fights, I would've married Ron when he asked eight years ago. You promised me an outing with friends and dinner. Instead I got Quidditch and sober-up brewing. This is not my idea of fun."


	65. Stupor

The sound of the flame under the cauldron and liquid swishing to the rhythmic movement of her stirring rod was the only sound in the room for some time after that outburst. Severus found himself sitting in a mild stupor. Hermione had never displayed her ire so directly before. She'd never _scolded_ him before.

He'd never deserved it before.

"I apologize, Hermione. I thought…" he trailed off, uncertain of how to proceed.

"You thought?" she prompted with a raised eyebrow.

Severus sighed, raking a hand through his bedraggled hair. "I thought you would be happy if I befriended your friends."


	66. Admission

There was a pregnant pause as she digested this.

"Do you normally befriend people by punching them?"

"To be fair, Ronald threw the first punch," he said, scratching at his bruised jaw. "And I was mostly kicking."

He watched his lover take a deep breath...which really did some rather magnificent things to her breasts in that thin cotton vest. He wondered if she - _No, Severus. Eyes on hers before she starts to spark again._

" _Why_ , exactly, did Ron punch you?"

He cleared his throat and shifted his eyes to avoid hers, unsure of how she'd react to his admission.


	67. Lucky

"I may have implied that you, and by extension Ginevra, are sexual creatures. And that he ought to accept that fact."

He watched as her eyes became comically large and her hair - _thank Circe_ \- returned to its normal state of mad curliness sans its previous firestarting properties.

Her laughter startled him out of his contrite posture. "You told Ronald that we have sex? That Ginny has sex? Oh, oh gods." Her cackling increased until she doubled over and gasped for air, simultaneously waving her hand toward the cauldron to extinguish the flame beneath it. "You're lucky he only punched you!"


	68. Very Wrong

She was still snickering as she began to decant the sober-up into individually dosed bottles. Severus watched her with interest, noticing not for the first time how delicate and graceful her hands were while the performed their task. It seemed incongruous, somehow, that such grace and poise was paired with a ruthless competence.

He tilted his head as he continued regarding her. Yes, her movements were also undeniably sexy.

"Stop it, Severus," she said without looking up. "I'm still annoyed with you, and if you think this conversation is finished just because I'm no longer outrageously angry, you're very wrong."


	69. Part Mother

He waited until she'd handed Harry a bottle of potion and sent several more through the floo to the various participants in their round of fisticuffs. Finally, she presented him with his own and dragged him up to the bedroom.

"You aren't too angry?" he queried as they closed the door to her room.

She sighed. "No. But I can honestly say that I don't enjoy patching you up with the rest of the boys. I've never wanted to lump you in with the rest of them."

He nodded with understanding. "You've always been part friend, part mother with them."


	70. The Social Realm

She gave him a gentle smile. "You can say that again. Look, I don't mind being a helpmate...I just never expected to be taking care of you _with_ my boys. There's something decidedly wrong about that, you know?"

"I concur. I shall endeavor not to engage in physical altercations with your friends in the future."

"Oh, Severus," she chuckled. "You've gotten sloshed with Harry and Neville, punched Ron, kicked Charlie, and taken a beating from the twins. I'm pretty sure they're _our_ friends now."

He was genuinely perplexed. "Is this truly how you crazed Gryffindors navigate the social realm?"


	71. So Many Pillows

With a smirk, she snuggled into the pillow pile ( _why were there so many?_ ) on her bed. "On occasion. Sometimes we bond over troll bogies and broken sinks in the girls lav."

He didn't have a reply to that, but the headache was clearing so he took the opportunity to draw his witch closer to him. They lay together, snuggled into one another's warmth for a few minutes whilst he fought to keep his chin off his chest. ( _Seriously, what was with the damned pillows? Were they breeding?_ )

Hermione broke his mental queries on female bedding. "Did you have fun?"


	72. New Rule

He hesitated. "It was...not as horrible as I feared. I did enjoy the game. Even the post-game discussion was not bad, at least until your ex-boyfriend punched me."

"Pro-tip, darling. Never, _ever_ insinuate that a female member of Ron's family - and I'm included there - has experienced or enjoys sex."

"I had rather figured that out for myself," he responded dryly, shifting to readjust his body as it pressed against hers. "To think, I'd nearly forgotten what a hot head Weasley has," Severus said, kissing her nose.

She giggled and snuggled closer. "New rule: No talking about Ronald in bed."


	73. Signs

Some time later, Severus reluctantly drew back from his lover's lips when she pushed slightly at his chest. "Was I crushing you?"

"Mmm. No. It's just the interval. I'll return shortly." He watched her scamper off the bed and toward the small en suite to her room.

She was pressing water-cooled hands to her heated face when she returned a few minutes later. "You know, I've been thinking…"

"Never a good sign for me. Go on."

She crinkled her nose at him and swatted at his bare foot where it dangled off the edge of her bed. "Oh, shut it."


	74. Lily and Regulus

" _Anyway,_ " Hermione continued, "I was thinking that - since you've made an effort to spend time with my friends - it might be nice if I spent some time with yours." She paused. "Um...who _are_ your friends?"

Severus snorted inelegantly into the pillow. "You know most of them already. Minerva, Hooch, and Filius. The Malfoys. Andromeda Tonks. Kingsley, when he's not off running the country, and the elder Weasleys. My oldest friends are both dead."

"Lily?" she asked.

He nodded. "And Regulus."

"Oh. Well, this took rather a sad turn," she commented. "But perhaps drinks with the Malfoys sometime next week?"


	75. Silly Gryffindor

Severus looked at Hermione closely. "Are you sure? I know that Narcissa would be more than happy to host, but are you sure you want to return to the Manor?"

She shrugged. "I've was there for Ginny's wedding and survived. I think I can handle an evening."

Severus smiled at his brave, unnecessarily self-sacrificing Gryffindor, so willing to shelve her feelings for the sake of others. "Perhaps I could host. I've been meaning to open up the flat a bit."

Hermione snorted. "No, you haven't. Sneaky Slytherin, you hate having people over." I'm surprised you tolerate me."

"You're not people."


	76. No Objection

"We could meet a restaurant. For drinks and dinner," Severus clarified later. "I'm sure Narcissa would not object."

"Neither would Draco. He adores dining out, particularly at muggle hotspots. Ginny's got him hooked." She smirked at her erstwhile enemy's clear adoration for her friend.

"We'll do that, then. No offended hosts, and no need to return to the manor."

Hermione smiled at her lover before placing a light kiss on the tip of his nose. "Fine. We can arrange all of that tomorrow, right? Because I don't know about you, but I'm knackered."

A whispered _Nox_ and they finally slept


	77. Private Room

Narcissa had agreed readily on behalf of their household, so it was all four Malfoys who greeted Severus and Hermione just inside one of the best restaurants in London.

"Severus! Professor Granger," Narcissa greeted them, airbussing Severus on the cheek before taking Hermione's hands in her own. "I'm thrilled that you flooed us last week. We took the liberty of booking a private room."

"I've been looking forward to this all week, Mrs. Malfoy," Hermione said as they were led to their table. "I've read that the chef is trying to reinvigorate British cuisine with local ingredients and traditional preparation."


	78. Less-Than-Stellar

Lucius snorted as he held the seat out for his wife, entirely missing her warning glance as he moved to seat himself. "Nothing an elf couldn't do faster and better in the comfort of our home," he said brusquely, shooting Severus a snide look.

"Perhaps," Severus conceded, "but isn't it nice to get out and see the town every now and then? I'm so glad that your schedules were open. I was surprised to hear that you weren't in France for the summer, Cissa," he finished, smoothly redirecting the conversation as Lucius had revealed his less-than-stellar mood to the table.


	79. Fecundity

"Lucius didn't want to leave the country now." She patted her husband's hand indulgently before dropping her voice. "He's hoping for an announcement."

" _That's_ why you're not at the Chateau this year?" Draco exclaimed. "Father, I told you we're waiting awhile; Ginny isn't ready to take leave from the team. And frankly, we're enjoying being a couple."

"Listen, _boy_ , you know damned well that the only reason I approved of your marriage was your bride's potential fecundity. So man up and _do your duty to the family_."

Narcissa slapped her hand on the table and hissed, "That's enough of that."


	80. With Friends

Severus noted the tight look of displeasure on Ginevra's face as Narcissa redirected conversation toward more mundane subjects and Lucius...well, there was no word for it: Lucius was sulking into his wine.

"And Professor Granger --"

"Oh, Hermione, please."

"Hermione, then. What have you done to keep yourself occupied this summer?"

Hermione ignored the rather loaded snort from Ginny as she replied. "I've concentrated on relaxing, though I do have a research project to start in the coming weeks. Severus and I have used the past few weeks to spend time together and," she gestured at the table, "with friends.


	81. Biceps

"How kind," Narcissa replied, a genuine smile lighting on her face. They were interrupted briefly while the waiter took their order, but Draco picked up the thread of the conversation almost immediately upon his departure.

"We played Quidditch last week, Mum. Severus put together an excellent 'all-star' team."

"Did you really?" Ginny asked, breaking her glowering eye contact with her father-in-law. "Draco wouldn't tell me anything. Said if I'd wanted to know game details, then I should've shown up."

"Well, you should have!"

"I had _training_ , Ferret-boy," she said, slapping at his arm. "These biceps don't build themselves, you know!"


	82. Family Dinner

The elder Malfoy rolled his eyes at his daughter-in-law's animated flexing and his son's not-so-subtle lustful stare. "Really, Ginevra. I realize you were raised amongst wolves, but couldn't you at least _try_ to imitate your betters?"

The ice in Ginny's would have scared even her formidable mother. "I beg your pardon?"

"I'm sorry, was I not speaking slowly enough? Kindly remove your elbows from the table and roll your sleeve do-OW! What the hell, woman?" Lucius snapped at his wife.

Narcissa smiled blandly and slid her wand back up her sleeve. "I do love a family dinner, don't you Hermione?"


	83. Commoner Food

Severus hid his smile in his wineglass. "This is a lovely Malbec, Narcissa. I didn't know you enjoyed Chilean wines."

"Chilean? Don't blaspheme, Severus. This is Argentinian. It should pair well with the lamb steaks with aubergine. What are you having, MIss - Hermione?" Narcissa inquired politely, elbowing her husband.

"It's been an age since I last had kedegree, so I think I'll go with that. Severus?"

"Welsh rarebit with neeps," he said decisively.

"Well I'm for the Wellington," Ginny declared. "Draco?"

He winked at this bride. "The roast."

They all ignored Lucius's muttered "commoner food" and sipped at their wine.


	84. Watercress

In the end, Lucius smirked at Hermione's moue of distaste and ordered the veal with braised leeks and sprouts. He did not partake in the shared appetizers (boxty with seared prawns) and pursed his lips though his own individual portion of watercress soup, refusing to participate in what quickly became an animated discussion of the Ministry's planned attempts to incorporate Muggle electronics into their workflow.

"Hermione's been contracting with the Ministry for two years," Severus stated with pride. "As a Muggleborn with ties to both worlds and a genius for Arithmacy and Charms, they couldn't have found a better consultant."


	85. The World has Changed

The inelegant snort from the elder blond drew Severus's attention. "Lucius, you had better be choking because if that snort in any way cast aspersions on my partner, I will ensure that every hair in your head falls out by Michaelmas."

"Don't you threaten me, Severus Snape," Lucius hissed.

"Oh, for Circe's sake, Lucius!" Narcissa exclaimed. "Stop acting like a child, accept that your son isn't ready for fatherhood, you're not ready for grandfatherhood, and Severus has found happiness with a Muggleborn, and that the world has bloody changed! And if you can't do any of that, kindly remain silent!"


	86. Refreshing

Draco stared at his mother in awe. "Mum, you almost yelled. In public."

"I'm sorry, darling," Narcissa said, patting at her elegant (and unaltered) coiffure and settling back into her seat.

"Don't apologize. That was wicked!" Draco continued to smile in the face of his father's affronted huff.

"I apologize for bringing a family squabble to dinner," the Malfoy matriarch said, turning to Severus and Hermione.

"Don't worry on my account, Narcissa," Hermione comforted. "I grew up at the Gryffindor table and teach schoolchildren for a living. This makes for a refreshingly sedate meal for me."

Severus nodded in agreement.


	87. Metabolism

Ginny's chuckle drew the table's attention. "Not to mention holidays with the Weasley family. Lucius did have one thing right...it's like eating at a table of hungry wolves."

"I'm still amazed that your family stays so slim," Hermione said with a little grin. "The way those boys inhale food is frightening." Severus noted that she refrained from pointing out that the youngest Weasley sibling was quite possibly the worst offender of the group.

"Metabolism," Ginny said with a happy shrug.

"Tell me about it," Severus said, forking another bite of boxty into his mouth and patting his still-flat stomach.


	88. Acceptable Conversation

"The two of you are as bad as each other," Hermione said as the waiter began to clear the table from the first course. She waited until he'd refreshed all of their glasses before continuing. "So what have you been up to in the past few months, Narcissa?" she queried. "The last I heard, you had some plans for a gala?"

Narcissa dipped her head in acknowledgement of Hermione's return to acceptable dinner conversation. "The gala is August first. You and Severus should receive your invitations shortly. The event is for my new charitable foundation."

"Oh?"

"The Muggleborn Education Fund."


	89. Casus Belli

"The WHAT?" Lucius cried, knocking over his wineglass in his haste to face his wife. "You said it was a foundation to promote wizarding traditions to today's youth!"

Severus noted that barely-contained smirk on Narcissa's face. "So it is," she replied. "Muggleborn students are at a disadvantage upon entering Hogwarts. It was the cause of not one, but two wars if you'll recall darling. The gala will raise funds to sponsor a textbook, written in clear language that an eleven year old can understand, that explains wizarding customs and traditions."

Hermione was nodding her approval, recalling her own first year.

AN: Thank you for the lovely reviews that have come through in recent days! I promise you, I do read them. It's just bloody hard to respond to them. I'm active on both AO3 and Tumblr, though, so if you'd like to converse sometime, come say hello!

Also, as I announced over on AO3 today, you're getting this post a day early because tomorrow is going to be CRAZY busy.

Also, I now have a 30 entry buffer AND the final 3 chapters and epilogue written. I got inspired during an awful meeting this afternoon.


	90. New Position

"If enough funds are raised - and I have no doubt there will be, if you and your friends will agree to attend, Hermione - then the Headmistress has agreed to create a new position at Hogwarts for first through third year students," Narcissa finished cooly. "They would get a crash course in everything fro simple etiquette to the old celebrations and courting customs. All students will take the class."

Conversation paused as the waiter returned to serve their main course.

"And just who is supposed to teach this class?" Lucius hissed.

"Why darling, I would of course," she purred. "Who better?"


	91. Minnie

You?" Draco and Lucius said in tandem. Draco sounded befuddled, but pleased. Lucius sounded neither.

"Well, that's perfect!" Ginny chimed. "I can't think of anyone who knows the customs like you do. You drove me insane with your trivia during the wedding preparations."

Narcissa's laugh tinkled as they picked up their forks and set to their respective meals. "Actually, those preparations were what started me on this idea as even you, a pureblood, had knowledge gaps. I've been preparing for this -- and plotting with Minnie -- for months."

Severus snorted at Cissa's affectionate reference to Minnie. Ah, how times had changed.


	92. Fundraising

"I think this is a wonderful idea, Narcissa," Hermione said as Lucius quaffed more wine. "I'd love to help, if I may. Can I see your proposed syllabus?"

"I don't have one as yet," she responded. "That would be putting the cart before the horse; we don't know if we'll raise the funds for the position yet!"

"You will," Hermione confirmed. "Severus and I will attend," she glanced sideways for his approval, "and I'll convince Harry and Luna too. I'm sure Pansy will deliver Ron."

"And Neville!" Ginny contributed.

"Yes, and Mr. Longbottom. It wouldn't do to exclude the Snake-Slayer."


	93. Filthy

"I'd stick with his name, Cissa," Severus said. "Neville despises that epithet."

Draco frowned. " _Neville_ , is it Uncle?"

"Yes, Draco. I have befriended him, as well as Po-Harry."

"Not the third member of the Golden Trio?" the younger man snickered.

"Ronald is proving...difficult," Severus bit out.

"What he means is that he punched my brother in the face last week," Ginny said with a sunny smile.

"Well, Ron hit him first, Gin," Hermione chided.

"Way to make friends, Uncle."

The table laughed aloud, though the sounds coming from Lucius were decidedly _meaner_ than the rest.

"Severus, you filthy pig."


	94. Brace for Impact

"I beg your pardon?" Severus said frostily.

"As well you should," Lucius sneered. "Rubbing elbows with blood traitors. Dating a mudblood. Your roots are showing. And to think I allowed you to call me friend," the blond said somewhat drunkenly.

"A mistake I shall not make again," Severus said, turning his eyes from his oldest friend. He felt his lover's hand, a gesture of comfort that spoke volumes.

"And you!" he said, rounding on his wife. "Getting a _job_? Working like a common...Weasley?"

"Father!" Draco barked.

Severus watched Narcissa raise her wineglass with a steady hand and brace herself.


	95. Divorce

"I was going to wait until after the gala proceeds had been tabulated to say this, Lucius, but I can see that the time is now." She turned her head toward her son and received a small nod.

 _Ah. So Draco is in on...whatever this is._

"I am entering a _profession,_ Lucius _,_ because I am leaving you. The papers have already been to drawn up." Her posture, always impeccable, straightened as she looked her husband in the eye.

Lucius sputtered. "You can't do that! Purebloods don't divorce like Muggles."

"They do now. Times change even if you will not."


	96. Significant

"And where do you propose to live? And what will you live _on_? I can hardly see you living on a professor's salary, _dearest_ ," Lucius snarled.

Narcissa's smile was feral. "As pureblood divorce is essentially being defined by...well, _us_ , Kingsley and I have worked out the proceedings for ourselves. I will regain my bridal portion, which will support me admirably."

"You'll _what_?!" Lucius mirrored what little wine remained in his glass.

Hermione glanced at Severus as his eyebrows raised. "Is that...significant?"

It was Draco who replied. "She's a Black by birth, Granger. Significant doesn't begin to describe it."


	97. Legacy

"You daft, mad bitch! You will leave me with nothing! Erase our son's legacy!" Lucius shouted.

A quick flick of Narcissa's wand silenced her husband and affixed him to his chair. "Do be silent, Lucius. First, you will hardly be destitute. You will retain the manor, its contents, and the interest you've made off my bridal portion. Think of this as a reimbursement free from interest and inflation. You will come out quite well in the end. As for a legacy...who, exactly, do you think will receive my dower portion if not my only child and his eventual family?"


	98. Muggle Culture

Silenced reigned at the table for a full minute before Hermione broke the tension. "I feel as though I've walked into an Austen novel," she said wonderingly.

Ginny failed to contain the snort that escaped, and then began to giggle helplessly. A moment later, Severus's dark chuckle joined hers. Narcissa smiled at Hermione with a questioning look on her face.

"A Muggle author. I'll lend you her books. I think you'll enjoy them; the manners should feel familiar, at least. If you're going to teach next term - and I'm sure you will be - you should know more about Muggle culture."


	99. Autonomy

"That sounds delightful, Hermione. Thank you," Narcissa said with a small nod before returning to her meal.

The rest of the table (sans Lucius) took this as their signal to return to their own food. "What other Muggle artifacts should I explore?"

"Oh, take her to the cinema!" Ginny cried. She'd become an avid film fan over the past few years.

The corner of Severus's mouth twitched as he watched an apoplectic Lucius try - and fail - to lift the silencing spell. Narcissa Black Malfoy had always been a supremely powerful witch. Severus was pleased to see her reclaiming her autonomy.


	100. Allow Me

Narcissa opted to forgo dessert so that she and Lucius could return home and finish their argument. "Allow me to pay for dinner," she said firmly. "I feel I rather spoiled what would have been a lovely evening."

"Oh, I don't know," Hermione said with a mischievous glint in her eyes. "I quite enjoyed myself."

"As did I," Ginny seconded.

A ghost of a smile flitted over Narcissa's face. "All the same, it's my treat. Please stay and enjoy yourselves. Hermione, perhaps we can meet next week to discuss Muggle culture?"

Hermione happily agreed to tea and shopping in London.


	101. How Long?

After the departure of Narcissa and a still-silenced Lucius, Severus turned toward his godson. "How long have you known?"

Draco shrugged sadly. "Since she made the decision a year ago. I helped her formulate the plan for the gala as an escape route."

"I'm sorry that it started its life as such, but itisa wonderful idea, Draco," Hermione said quietly.

"It was all hers, actually. I merely suggested she look to the Muggle world for divorce examples...she rather ran with it."

"And you don't mind that she's leaving Lucius?" Severus asked.

"He's not the man he was."


	102. Mother's Son

"You and I are going to have words about secrets," Ginny interjected with a glint in her eye, "but I'm happy to see your mother taking a stand. Lucius was awful from the moment we announced the engagement."

"He was awful long before that," Draco said sullenly.

"You don't have to tell me," his wife said. "I nearly died at eleven, thanks to him."

"I still don't know why you married me."

Severus chuckled. "If I were to hazard a guess, it'd wager that it's because your chin is your only genetic inheritance from Lucius. You are your mother's son."


	103. Departure

The departed the restaurant soon after that. Ginny had training the next morning and Hermione wanted to get up early to compile a list of 'Muggle cultural items' for Narcissa to explore.

"I am sorry that tonight ended as it did, love," she said. "I know you and Lucius were close."

"Once, perhaps," he murmured thoughtfully. The ache in his chest wasn't nearly as pronounced as he'd expected, but he and Lucius had been growing apart for nearly three decades.

Spying on your friend had that unfortunate side effect.

"I'm thrilled Narcissa is divorcing him," Hermione continued as they walked.


	104. If Only

"Thrilled?" he said, questioning her choice of word.

"Yes, aren't you?"

"Not really. The divorce rate in the Muggle world is too high. I'd hate to see that repeated in Wizarding culture."

Hermione snorted. "The divorce rate in the Muggle world is what it ought to be. Do you know why it's gone up?"

"Because humans are fickle, hateful creatures?"

"No. Because women are more empowered. At least, some of us...there are still too many places where that's not true. But we're more free to leave situations that make us unhappy."

"If only my mother..." he said, trailing off.


	105. One Day

"I know love. It was a different time. And your mother was a pureblood. It wouldn't have occurred to her."

He nodded sullenly.

"Well, that's rather put a pall on the whole evening. Come on, there's a café near the bakery. I'll buy you a scone and a cuppa and we can talk about happier things."

Severus willingly allowed himself to be pulled along, laughing at her silly stories about her friends. All the time, though, his mind was whirling.

 _What if I make her unhappy?_ _Can I make her happy? Make her stay?_ _Will she one day leave me?_


	106. Supportive

"You've been awfully quiet this evening," Hermione commented after they got home. "Everything alright?"

"Hm?" Severus looked up from the book in his lap. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to neglect you.;"

"I don't feel neglected, love. I just noticed that you've been staring at the same page for almost an hour. Are you upset about Narcissa and Lucius?"

He shrugged. "I'm not happy about it, but it's not my business. I can only remain supportive of Narcissa. After tonight, I am no longer sure that Lucius would welcome my support."

"Perhaps this will be the wakeup call he needs."


	107. Guarantees

Later the next day, Severus found himself brooding, which was an abnormal occurrence these days. Despite all the happiness in his life - and he was extremely happy - his relationship with Hermione had wrought more change than he'd anticipated.

He was _friends_ (he grimaced) with her friends as she was friendly with Narcissa and Draco. He'd lost Lucius, though he supposed he could argue that the dissolution of that relationship was a long time coming.

A permanent relationship would mean more change. The constant presence of his lover. Possible children. So much change, but what guaranteed that Hermione would accept him?


	108. Double

"Severus? What on earth are you doing here?" Minerva McGonagall sounded surprised to see the Potions professor on her doorstep on the outskirts of Edinburgh in mid-July. "I thought you were summering in London?"

"I need some advice, Min," Severus said in an uncharacteristically direct tone, "and you seem the best person to dispense it."

"Come in, my boy, come in. You look serious, so I'm going to assume that this conversation needs a tot to go with it."

He grunted humorlessly, sinking into one of Minerva's sitting room armchairs with the ease of long practice. "Make mine a double."


	109. Pumpkin

"So let me get this love Hermione. You're fairly sure she feels the same for you, though neither of you have actually had the gumption to say the words. You've made the effort to befriend her friends, introduced her to yours, are considering making her a permanent fixture in your life, but you're afraid of being hurt so you've worked yourself into a right panic."

"That's about the size of it."

"I see the problem. Your issue is that you great, blithering, bloody pumpkinhead! What are you talking to me for? Go talk to your girl, blasted man!"


	110. Floooo

Severus left more bewildered than ever, but as Minerva had never steered him wrong in the past - but for that year where she and most of the Hogwarts staff had attempted to assassinate him - he decided that speaking to Hermione might be the best route to take after all.

Throwing a fistful of powder into the fire, he shoved his head into the Green flames to floo his lover.

Unfortunately, what he received was an eyeful of Harry and Luna's naked limbs on the hearth rug.

Luna's cry of, "Oh, hello Severus! Come on in!" was just a bit surreal.


	111. When Did --

"Oh, good God," Harry shouted. "I thought you closed the floo, Lunes!" Severus shut his eyes as the younger man scrambled for his pants. He'd already seen more of Harry Potter's naked arse than he'd ever intended.

"Where's your sense of adventure Harry? It's nothing he hasn't seen."

"What? When did he - "

"I _meant_ Hermione, silly."

"Speaking of, is she present? In the house, I mean?" He cracked open one eye to see that Luna had deftly wrapped herself in a throw and seated herself on the couch. He vowed to never touch anything in the Grimmauld sitting room again.

* * *

AN: Thank you lovely guests for leaving reviews! I can't actually reply to them...or maybe I can and I just don't know how, but please know that I do love to read them! Feel free to visit me on Tumblr or AO3 if you want to strike up an actual conversation :) Otherwise, thanks for reading this far!


	112. Time to Talk

"Do you really think we'd be downstairs if she were?" Harry asked sarcastically. "She said she was going to see you."

As if on cue, a knock sounded at the door.

"Right," Severus nodded. "Thanks for that. Have an...enjoyable evening." Without further ado, he yanked his head from the fire and rushed to open the door.

She kissed him before he could stop her and drew away with a smudge of ash on her nose. It was utterly adorable.

It was entirely possible that he was going crazy.

"Come inside. We need to talk."


	113. Nest

Hermione's brows shot into her hairline. "That sounds rather ominous," she said as she let Crookshanks down. The cat shot toward the bedroom to, he assumed, make a orange-fur covered nest on his pillow.

He guided his lover toward the sofa before seating himself and wiping nervous hands on his trousers.

"Should I be worried, Severus?" she asked, voice small.

"Perhaps," he muttered.

"I see." Severus was too preoccupied with his own thoughts to notice the tension in her frame. "Before you speak, I just need to tell you that I love you."

His head shot up at her declaration.


	114. Daft

"That's - I mean - you do?"

"Yes," Hermione smiled.

"I wanted to tell you the same today," he said, gathering her into his arms. "I wasn't sure how you'd respond."

"That's what you were going to say?" she laughed, drawing her head back. "I thought you were going to end things."

" _End things?_ Why on earth would I do something as daft as that?"

"Because you've been acting oddly the last few weeks. I thought something had gone terribly wrong."

"It takes me awhile to sort through such changes," he admitted. "Luckily I have an assertive Gryffindor all of my own."


	115. Feelings

Severus looked down at the woman propped against his shoulder, nose in a book, and smiled inwardly. Considering he'd gone into the day with no plan, it had all turned out splendidly.

His mind flashed to list warded into his nightstand drawer. _Perhaps excessive planning is not necessary. I should just say what I_ feel _and see if that works._ He glanced down at Hermione again. _Feelings. Right. I know how this works, even if I_ am _admittedly rusty._

He took a deep breath, paused, choked, and faltered.

"What is it, love?" Hermione didn't look up.

"You should move in."


	116. Holy Hell

There was a beat in which Hermione turned and blinked at him. "Come again?"

Her voice was less that warm.

Severus hesitated. "You should ah - move in?"

"Oh I _should_ should I?" she stated with narrowed eyes.

 _Oh Gods. Abort, Severus_.

"Um, no," he said, backpedaling. "I - you should - I mean, I'd like it very much if you would consent to living together."

He watched as she drew breath and bowled onward. "And the cat! You should bring your Crookshanks."

She was silent again and stared up at him, perplexed.

 _What the holy hell? This was definitely NOT the plan._


	117. Tenterhooks

Severus was on tenterhooks.

"Why now?" she finally asked.

He cleared his throat. "Frankly? I was...pressing my luck. I had thought it good timing after a declaration of love."

She shifted uncomfortably. "Hence spending time with the boys. And your attitude toward Crooks."

"Yes," he allowed. "Well, I yes to the first part. I rather enjoy your familiar, particularly when he brings me nice. It saves a great deal of time having to find, kill, and pickle them myself."

As a joke it fell flat.

"You don't have to do this," she said. "I know you value your privacy."


	118. Confusion

He was momentarily nonplussed by her response. Didn't women usually jump at the thought of moving in with their lover? His research had certainly indicated that this was the next step in a serious relationship.

"Do you not - are you uninterested in cohabitating?" he asked, failing to entirely keep the confusion out of his voice.

"I hadn't really thought much about it, truthfully. We live so close to one another ten months of the year, I suppose I didn't think living together in the summers made much sense."

He cleared his throat. "I thought we'd cohabitate at Hogwarts as well."


	119. Seriously?

Hermione was drawn up short. "You - you're serious?"

"I would not have suggested it if I were not," he frowned.

"You didn't really _suggest_ anything. No no, don't get all huffy," she rushed. "Would Minerva allow it?"

Severus thought of his employer's overwhelming enthusiasm for all things Sev-mione (an appellation he loathed). "I suspect she'd offer to throw us a housewarming party."

He watched as the gears in Hermione's head kicked into overdrive. "We would need to be more open with one another. If one of us needs space, we need to say it. We won't have our separate retreats."


	120. Circumspect

"Are...you leaning toward yes, then?" Severus asked cautiously.

Hermione smiled up at him. "I think I am, actually. I'd like to try living with you. But I'd need you to tell me when I'm getting in your hair. Perhaps we can call it a trial period before merging our work quarters?"

He dropped a kiss on top of her head. "God, I love that you're cautious. Do you have any idea how much a circumspect woman turns me on?"

She laughed at him outright. "Circumspect. Right. Just, you know, killing Horcruxes and riding dragons. I'm downright cautious, I am."


	121. Erogenous Zones

"You may be right there. You're bloody dangerous and reckless. Have I told you how much a reckless woman turns me on?" he asked her with a lascivious smirk.

"I had no idea your libido was on such a hair trigger, Severus," Hermione replied, flipping over to crawl into his lap. A little wiggle of her hips demonstrated just how turned on by dangerously circumspect women he truly was.

It took very little time for her shirt and his trousers to make their way to the floor.

In between moans Severus thought, _When did sitting rooms become such erogenous zones?_


	122. Turnabout

They never actually made it up stairs that night. They'd ended up fucking on the sofa like a couple of horny teens on school holiday, then shagging one another out on the arm chair (the footstool there had come in surprisingly handy for the semi-adventurous couple) before passing out in a sweaty heap on the hearth rug, only to begin again when they wakened.

Snape's naked arse grinding into a certain curly-haired witch's very naked torso were the rather unwelcome site that greeted Harry Potter's head when it popped into the floo some hours later.

"Goddammit, Snape! That's not funny!"


	123. Relief

Two weeks later, Hermione's belongings had been moved into the flat that she and Severus would now share, thanks in no small part to extension charms placed on the sitting room, bath, and kitchen. Like him, most of Hermione's belongings fell into practical lines - dishes, a handful of robes and shoes, and books upon books.

The move itself had gone quite well, but for a brief argument on how to organize the sitting room library. But by the time their heads hit the pillow that night, Severus could only breathe a sigh of relief that Hermione was in his home.


	124. Monochrome

It was all going swimmingly until Hermione joined Narcissa for her second foray into Muggle culture. They returned from the outing not with books, as they had the first time, but with large bags suspiciously labeled _Harrods._

He could hear Narcissa's voice as they came through the floo. "Oh, my dear. I do see what you mean. A quintessential bachelor pad. Well, we'll fix that right up, won't we?"

"Narcissa, I really do think I should talk to Severus first."

"Nonsense darling! You live here too now, don't you? He can't expect you to live in a monochrome dwelling forever."


	125. Grey

Severus glanced around from his place in the hall. It _was_ a bit monochrome, but greys were so soothing. And he'd gone for a variety of greys, really. Charcoal for the sofa. A muted dove grey for the rug. A slate for the kitchen countertops that paired well with his lovingly refinished ebony table.

Fine. He might not object to some color. Small, tasteful color. Preferably in the neutral or black ends of the spectrum.

Then a pillow came out of the bag. It was large. It was velvet. It was NOT grey.

"What in Slytherin's green grass is _that?_ "


	126. Aubergine

Hermione started at the sound of her lover's voice. "I told you he'd hate it, Cissa."

"Hush, darling," she said, patting Hermione's hand before turning her attention to ward Severus. "Have I taught you _nothing_ Severus Snape? Tone on tone interior design is one thing, but this is tone on tone on tone on tone! ON TONE! You ridiculous man, you need to spruce the place up a bit."

"I refuse to have my home filled with purple fripperies!" he growled in response.

Narcissa huffed in return, refusing to be cowed. "This is _aubergine_ ," she said in an affronted voice.


	127. Toldja

"I don't care what vegetable it's named after, I'm not having that in my home!" he snapped.

"Told you he wouldn't like it," Hermione groaned. "Cissa, why don't you leave those things here while Severus and I talk. I'll take care of the returns if necessary."

'I still don't understand how you return merchandise you didn't pay for," the woman grumped, gathering her bag.

"I'll explain debit cards and instant banking another time. I had a lovely afternoon. Say hello to Draco for me."

"Of course, dear," she said, bussing both of Hermione's cheeks. "Come visit me next week, yes?"


	128. Remade

"Of course. Will you be installed at Draco's by then?"

"Already done, darling. The east wing is mine for now. Come for tea on Monday I want to talk about your gown for the gala."

"Remaking me already, Cissa?" Hermione asked with a laugh.

Cissa's tittering laugh lingered long after she stepped into the floo.

"You may be joking, but she is not. Prepared to be pinched and prodded within an inch of your life." Severus's sneer was back, full force.

Hermione shrugged. "It can't be any worse than Molly constantly trying to feed me up."

"You keep thinking that."


	129. No Red

Hermione huffed out a breath. "Okay, this is how I suggest we proceed: I will lay out all the things Narcissa insist I place in _our_ home. We will discuss which ones we both like - or in your case, the ones you can stomach. I'll return anything you absolutely hate, but there are a number of things that I rather like so I hope you'll be flexible on those."

Severus grit his teeth together and reminded himself that a joint domicile meant shared decorative tastes. "Alright, that is reasonable. But there had better not be any red in that bag."


	130. Optional

In the end, they settled on the aubergine pillow, teal tea towels, and a muted watercolor in the bedroom. The comforter and its universally hated dust ruffle would go back to the store.

"Did you really feel that out of place without those things?" Severus asked with some concern. "I will admit, I did not consider that you might wish to decorate when you moved in. Your room at Grimmauld was so…" he fumbled for words.

Hermione snorted. "Severus, my decorating style is wall to wall books with the occasional space for windows and doors. And windows were often optional."


	131. Cat Naps

Severus found that the decorations were more successful than anticipated. The throw pillows, which Hermione repeatedly reminded him were not for actual _use_ , were of the perfect size for a short cat nap on the sofa.

As the summer continued, they cast cooling charms throughout the flat to offset the electric bill and welcomed the occasional visitor - usually Harry and Luna or Draco and Ginny - for dinner and drinks. Narcissa usually demurred on dinner invitations for fear of creating uneven numbers at table (not that Severus or Hermione minded such things). Lucius was notably not invited to visit the pair.


	132. McQueen

In August, Hermione disappeared for three long afternoons of shopping and fittings with Narcissa at Dr. Granger at her side - invited, Hermione stated, to keep Narcissa's grand plans for her "transformation" in check. She arrived home after all was said and done looking harried and clutching a garment bag ominously labeled "Alexander McQueen".

She collapsed onto the bed in a flurry of exhalations and rustling bags, shouting out the door to where Severus was puttering in his office. "They're coming for dinner."

He grunted. This was becoming more common than he liked. "Who?"

"Mum and Dad," her voice trilled back.


	133. Splatters

He dropped his quill with a splatter of ink and strode into the bedroom. The sight of Hermione's prone form with arm covering her eyes did not move him, as it usually did, into stretching out beside her for a snuggle (and Merlin help anyone who ever dared name the activity thus).

"Your parents are coming to dinner?"

She nodded.

"Tonight."

Another nod.

"Well, shite."

"I know," she moaned. "I should have texted you when it happened. Mum just kind of...invited herself. I couldn't say no."

She sounded so contrite that he merely sighed. "Have I time to market?"


	134. So Sexy

An hour later a rather harried looking Severus was whirling around the kitchen, pointing his wand at food bits and bobs in a manner that would bring a tear of joy to Molly Weasley's eye.

"Don't touch that!" Severus barked as Hermione moved to dip her finger in the marinade he was preparing for a quick ceviche.

"It's not a potion, Severus, I highly doubt that -" she sniffed "lime juice and salt will kill me."

"Sorry," he muttered. "Habit."

She regarded him with a hungry stare as she nibbled on a sprig of cilantro. "You're so sexy when you cook."


	135. Blushes

He colored as he continued to slice courgettes into thick straws for battering. He knew his courgette fries with sea salt and honey were a particular favorite of Hermione's, and he rather hoped to impress her parents with it as well. He was saved from his blushes by the buzz of the oven timer and set down his knife to pull the bread from the oven.

"Do me a favor and pour that cup over there over those ladyfingers," he said before muttering something about not having enough hands.

"Definitely sexy," she repeated, watching him move smoothly through the kitchen.


	136. Indignation

The doctors Granger arrived promptly at eight bearing a bottle of deep red wine and a bottle of scotch. "I think you'll appreciate this more than Hermione will," Norman said, handing the bottle to Severus, who accepted the bottle and shook the older man's hand.

"I'm pleased to see you again, Norm," Severus said with a slightly crooked smile. He'd met Norm and Helen twice before for dinner with Hermione, but it had been several months since they'd last met. He enjoyed the two doctors, finding it easy to see where Hermione's extreme empathy and readily roused indignation came from


	137. Shall We Eat?

"Oh, Severus! You've gone to such trouble. There was no need, you know, not for us," Helen exclaimed when she saw dinner laid on the table. Dinner consisted of the ceviche, a lovely focaccia, courgette fries in their own individual baskets, and a trifle at the center of the table for dessert.

"Mum! How do you know I didn't make it?" Hermione said with a mock indignity that soured ever so slightly when her parents laughed.

"Darling, you have many talents. Cooking is not among them."

Severus cleared his throat. "Well then, shall we eat?"

"Yes, please! We adore ceviche."


	138. Tszujing

The Grangers were a well traveled couple who'd spent considerable time after their memories were restored traveling. While Norm had been obsessed with fresh sushi in Japan, Helen had developed a love for ceviche in Peru. She dug into the meal with gusto, exclaiming her compliments to the chef.

"I just love the little touches around your flat, Severus," she said with a smile. "The throw pillows are the perfect way to spice up that lovely grey sofa."

"A mutual friend helped us tszuj it up, but thank you," he replied.

"Hmm. The same mutual friend we shopped with today?"


	139. Post Address

Hermione merely smirked in his general direction as she tore a piece of focaccia off to soak up some lime juice. "Yes, Mum. Narcissa has very definite ideas about the decoration of the person and their living space."

"Isn't she the mother of that awful boy from your year?" Norm asked.

"Yes," Severus replied, chewing a fry. "My godson, Draco. He's grown into a somewhat more tolerable adult."

"Don't snort into your wine, Hermione, it's impolite," Helen admonished.

"Oh, Mum, Cissa sent me an owl and asked for your post address to invite you to her Wizarding Traditions charity gala."


	140. Don't Forget

"How lovely of her! Why didn't she ask earlier?"

"I think she wants to try out muggle stamps," Hermione replied with a grin.

Severus chuckled. "She'll be as bad as Arthur Weasley at this rate."

Norm barked out a laugh in reply. "Oh, lord! He came into the practice a few years ago for a cleaning. 'For funsies," he said!"

The meal passed quickly after that in a string of pleasantries and before long Helen was volunteering to help Hermione clear the table _the normal way_.

"So you don't forget how, darling!" she said as she shooed the men away.


	141. Young People

As Hermione cleared the table with her mother's help, Norm and Severus escaped to his office to pour themselves a scotch.

"Sorry to foist ourselves on you last minute like this, Severus. Hel gets an idea in her head and just...runs with it."

"It was not a worry, Norm. You and Helen are always welcome in our home."

"Gracious of you, I'm sure, but you young people deserve your space."

"Young people?" Severus laughed.

Norm shrugged. "Close enough."

"Regardless, this is Hermione's home too."

"Then she definitely won't want us visiting over-frequently!" Norm said, clapping Severus on the back.


	142. Not So Sudden

"I'm glad you came tonight, actually," Severus said, staring at the amber liquid in his glass. "I've actually been meaning to talk to you?"

He watched as Norm quirked a bushy eyebrow at him. "Yes?"

"I know that asking Hermione to move in might seem rather sudden - "

"It didn't, actually."

"No?" Severus queried.

"No. The way she talks about you, Severus. I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner. Why do you think she didn't get a place of her own this summer?"

"I - oh." He paused as his brain began replaying their conversations over the past few months in his head.


	143. Calm Down, Severus

His head was spinning. Had he made a mistake in waiting so long to ask Hermione to move in? Was _that_ why she'd been upset when he'd finally done so? He cast a glance out the door and toward the kitchen, where Hermione's laughter rang alongside her mother's voice.

"Severus, stop," Norm said, jerking the younger man's attention back. "I can practically see you obsessing over nonsense. Are you happy?"

"I am." _Happier than I have ever been or ever expected to be in this life or any other, actually._

"Good. So is my Hermione. You're doing just fine, son."


	144. Gryffindorishness

_Son_. Norm had called him son. It was almost as though he could read his mind.

Rather than respond, Severus raised a questioning brow.

"Oh, don't tell me you haven't been thinking about rings. I know the look of a besotted man when I see one."

 _Ah. Well, at least I know where Hermione's Gryffindorishness came from_ , he thought as he cleared his throat. "I have not yet spoken to Hermione about the possibility," Severus admitted.

"You make it sound like a contract, Severus! Sometimes it's best to just go for the romantic surprise."

Romantic. Surprise. The words sounded foreign.


	145. Tired

"You've been quiet all night," Hermione commented as they climbed into bed later that night. "Did Dad say something weird to you?"

"Hmm?" Severus said, distracted. "Oh, no. He commented on how happy you seem, actually."

"Oh!" she said, pleased. "Well, I am." She kicked the sheets at the foot of the bed to loosen the bedding from the tight hospital corners that the bedmaking spell created each morning.

When she was done, she slid to the middle of the bed and reached out to stroke the fine hairs on her lover's stomach. "So, how tired are you right now?"


	146. Portcullis

Second winds really were the most delightful things. Severus and Hermione went to sleep that night well-sated and thoroughly shagged out. Severus was beginning to wonder whether he should strengthen the silencing charms on the shared wall of his flat to avoid having his neighbors call the authorities.

Or worse, make muffled recordings of his lover's moans.

He _might_ have been rather proud of some of the squeaks he'd elicited, but that didn't mean he wanted to share them.

His satisfied smirk was interrupted by an intrusive pecking at the window. He spotted Narcissa's owl, Portcullis, tapping on the glass.


	147. And Kingsley

"Whazzat?" Hermione asked, face still smushed into her pillow.

"Cissa," he sighed. "She has apparently decided that my attire needs to be as smart as yours for her ball. We're going shopping." The derision in his voice could easily have stripped paint.

"Does she do _anything_ else with her time?"

There was a beat before Severus responded. "Until recently, no. I assume she's spent at least some time recently with her solicitor to discuss the separation and with Minerva to discuss her career."

"She has done that," Hermioneconfirmed, rolling over. "And then there's Kingley."

"Why would she be with Kingsley?"


	148. Bloody Witch!

"Well, they're...seeing each other," Hermione replied diplomatically.

Severus was surprised. He knew that Narcissa's marriage had been troubled for sometime; the separation, while unheard of in pureblood marriages, hadn't been all that surprising in retrospect.

For Narcissa to begin a relationship with the very man who was helping to secure her divorce, however, was surprising, unwise, and desperately non-Slytherin.

Severus rose and moved into the bathroom.

"Where are you going?" Hermione complained from the bed.

"Narcissa wants to shop, so we'll bloody well shop. During which I will attempt to talk some sense into the damned witch!" he growled.


	149. Snogging

"Really, Severus?" Hermione's voice rang as he left the room.

A glance backward showed that his witch was still in bed, still very much naked from the previous evening, and that the sheets had dropped straight to her waist. He groaned inwardly. _What was Rule #1, Severus? Do not anger the witch when said witch wants to be intimate._ Rule #2, of course, was that an angry witch could often be distracted with intimacy. Or at least snogging.

He turned from the bathroom while the shower began to warm. "Well, I suppose I can keep her waiting a little while."


	150. Acromantula Silk

Several hours later, Severus found himself in the fitting room of Twilfit and Tattings.

"Absolutely not. Don't you have anything in acromantula silk?" Narcissa said, waving a selection of cravats away with a look of distaste on her pretty face.

"Of course, Lady Malfoy!" the little shop clerk chirped, bustling to the back of the store.

"Please remember that I teach for a living, Cissa. Do try not to bankrupt me with a single set of formal wear."

"Oh, pish," she replied with an eyeroll. Your war portion and your potions business keep you more than solvent, you great whinger."


	151. Old

Severus was quick to approve his dress robes, glad that Narcissa knew to choose black. He escorted his friend from the shop and gestured toward a small patisserie down the lane. "Perhaps some tea?"

Once they were seated and their server had scurried away to fetch their order, Severus cast a wandless _muffliato_ and leaned toward the witch. "So what, exactly, is all this about you and Kingsley Shacklebolt? And why am I hearing about this from my witch rather than from _you_ , one of my oldest friends?"

"Friend of the longest duration, thank you. We can dispense with _old_."


	152. Stop Stalling

Severus waved a hand impatiently. "Stop stalling, Cissa."

She snorted inelegantly. "Don't flatter yourself, darling. Yes, Kingley and I are an item. Yes, it's new. No, it is not public. Yes, it is serious. Yes, Hermione knows. So does Draco. You are now the third person to know aside from Kingsley and myself and that is how it shall stay for some time." She raised her eyebrows to imply _Or Else._

"And yet you told Draco, the biggest gossip in Britain?"

"You know Draco can keep his secrets. He knows the publicity would ruin us all."

"Does Ginevra know that?"


	153. Pallas

Severus watched as his friend paled until her skin nearly matched her white-blonde hair. "Hm. I thought not."

"Excuse me a moment, Severus," Narcissa said before heading to the front of the patisserie. A moment later, a patronus of a Pallas cat shot past the window at which Severus was seated on its way to, he assumed, tell Draco and Ginny that their discretion was required immediately if not sooner.

He chuckled at the situation, relieved that he was not at the center of the problem for once. He waited as Narcissa reseated herself, smoothing her skirts with false calm.

* * *

"Found over a wide swath of central Asia, Pallas' cats have short ears and fluffy faces that give them a perpetually miffed look. "


	154. Good Timing, Sev

"Now that our tea has arrived, I'd like to to speak with you about the reason I agreed on our little shopping expedition today."

Narcissa's smile was brittle - she was clearly still worried about her daughter-in-law's gossippy tendencies - and gave Severus her attention. "I didn't think it was because you enjoyed fondling the cravats, dear."

He snorted and waited for Narcissa to sip of from her teacup. "Indeed. I need some assistance in selecting an engagement ring for Hermione."

Narcissa did not disappoint. She spewed tea across at Severus (who blocked with a well-timed charm) before choking on her beverage.


	155. Regression

"Oh, you bastard!" she cried, scrambling for her serviette to mop up the mess. "You did that on purpose."

He chuckled again, sipping from his own cup. "I did indeed."

"I don't know if marrying the Gryffindor is a good idea, love. She's obviously caused a rapid age regression. What are you now, twelve?"

"A respectable seventeen, I'd guess," he said, examining his nails. "Teaching keeps one young."

"As does living with a woman nineteen years your junior. Disregarding that little episode," she said with a raised brow, "I approve. Do you know what type of ring she might like?"


	156. Importance

"...shiny?" Severus responded carefully.

"Oh, Severus," Cissa responded indulgently. "You are hopeless. Lovely and darling, but utterly hopeless. Look, I think I know Hermione's tastes fairly well from our time shopping together. We can bring her mother along to get her opinion as well. Don't worry too much," she said, patting his hand. "Many men are notoriously clueless about this type of thing."

"Lucius isn't," Severus grumped.

Cissa rolled her eyes and smirked. "No, he isn't. I'm also divorcing the man, so let's just say that good taste in jewelry isn't always the most important aspect in a good relationship."


	157. Beam Her Over!

Severus breathed a sigh of relief at that. "Do you think you and Helen would know what Hermione would like? I'd ask Ginevra, but…"

"Say no more, dear. Really. Not another word." Narcissa rose and held out an imperious hand. "Escort me to one of those telephone thingies and we'll bring Helen through it. Chop chop!"

"I see parts of your Muggle education are still lacking," Severus muttered darkly, pulling his mobile from his pocket. "How about you wait here and I'll see if Helen is available to join us for a few hours."

"Less talking, more fetching. And shopping!"


	158. Gurgling

Helen brought some much needed calm to their outing, smiling gently at Severus once she'd righted herself from the apparation. "Norm mentioned you were thinking more long-term. I'm so pleased you asked for my help with the ring."

"You know Hermione better than anyone," he replied as they joined Narcissa. "I doubt her friends would be of much help."

"Harry would flail and make gurgling noises!" Helen giggled.

"And Ronald would just point you toward the biggest diamond and then wander off in search of a snack," Narcissa stated. "His appetite astonished even the elves when he last visited Draco."


	159. Stones

"I should tell you, Hermione dislikes diamonds," Helen said with an apologetic glance at Narcissa, whose ears and neck were adorned with the sparkling, clear stones.

"I will admit that I have no idea where to start if that is the case," Severus sighed in frustration.

"Well, she likes her birthstone," Helen said as they walked toward the jeweler's.

"She's a sapphire, correct?" Narcissa asked. At Helen's nod she smiled. "What about a star sapphire?"

"She'd also love Alexandrite, if we can find a natural one."

"Well, we have a plan then!" the elder witch exclaimed with a punctuating clap.


	160. First Try

It all went rather better than he'd anticipated. Within a half hour of entering the shop, he'd spotted the perfect ring. It was white gold and set with a deep purple stone that had a peculiar shine to it. As he tilted his head slightly, the stone flashed a deep emerald green - definitely something that appealed to his Slytherin side. There were smaller stones on either side of the center one, and tiny emeralds punctuating the arrangement.

"This one," he said definitively.

"Oh, well done Severus. Alexandrite on the first try!" Helen approved.

He snorted. "Is that what it is?"


	161. Prying

Once he was home, Severus placed the ring in his nightstand drawer and withdrew his list. He was pleased to see that so many items had been crossed off. He'd befriended Harry and his ilk. He'd declared his love, moved in with Hermione, and settled into life with her. He'd hosted Hermione's parents and gained her father's approval for marriage. He'd chosen a ring. Now all he had to do was set the stage and pop the question.

No pressure.

The sound of footsteps in the hall had Severus quickly closing the drawer and re-warding it from his witch's prying.


	162. Four New Cravats

"How was your outing with Narcissa?" she asked as she stripped off her sundress and shimmied into a pair of those yoga pants that made Severus want to like her from top to bottom like an ice cream cone. "Did she make you buy an outrageously expensive set of robes?"

"She did," he confirmed, attempting to discreetly readjust himself inside his too-tight trousers. "The cravat is nice, though. Acromantula."

"Well, that sounds like fun!" she replied cheekily. "At least it should hold up to being knotted around your bedposts better than linen."

"You still owe me four new cravats, witch."


	163. Scandalized

Severus felt both settled and satisfied with his life as the summer neared its end. Living together had gone so well that they'd invited themselves to tea with Minerva to discuss merging their rooms.

"Of course, no problem at all my dears. Just try not to scandalize the children. I don't want to hear any stories of prefects docking house points from the professors," she said with a twinkle in her eye.

"Of course not!" Severus said.

"That's what Notice-Me-Not charms are for," Hermione finished with a grin.

Minerva snorted into her whisky-laced tea. "You two certainly deserve one another."


	164. Toilette

Two weeks later found Severus and Hermione in the preparing for Narcissa's gala, which was to be held in the junior Malfoy's ballroom. Severus had been banished from his bedroom and forced to prepare in his study, though he'd pressed a new hair-taming potion on Hermione before he'd departed with his robes.

"This smells better than your Sleekeazy's," he stated firmly before pecking her on the cheek. He was grateful that she'd smiled at his thoughtfulness rather than hexing him for daring to comment on her toilette.

He hummed as he placed the final crease in his absurdly expensive cravat.


	165. Buttons

The click of her heels drew his attention as she swept into the room. They stared at one another for a moment before each smiled softly.

"You're simply stunning," Hermione remarked, reaching running forward to run a delicate finger down the rows of obsidian buttons than ran down Severus's waistcoat. "You know what buttons do to me."

He made an agreeable humming noise in his throat and drew her into an embrace, running his hand down her back. He was met with smooth skin and then...rows of buttons. "And apparently what they do to me," he said, arousal wakened.


	166. Displayed

She pressed a soft kiss to his mouth before stepping out of his embrace. "Hold that thought for later, won't you? It took me hours to get ready for the gala and heaven knows Cissa will hunt us down if we don't make an appearance." She grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the floo. "C'mon. Let's go show ourselves off, shall we?"

"Oh, how I love to be put on display," he muttered as they spun into green flames.

"Save the sarcasm, Severus," Narcissa's voice greeted him from the other side. "Hermione, you look lovely. That color suits you."


	167. Awkward Shrugs

Hermione glanced down at her teal green dress robes and gave an awkward shrug. "You'd know, I suppose," she replied with a smile, "seeing as you chose them."

"Hermione!" Severus turned in surprise as Norm and Helen appeared in the floo.

Hermione was clearly confused as well. "Mum? What are you two doing here?"

"Cissa invited us. Isn't it lovely? Such a stunning house!"

"We've really only seen the foyer," Severus commented.

"Allow me to show you to the ballroom, uncle," Draco's voice said as he strode into the foyer. "You're welcome here Doctor Granger, Doctor Granger. Hermione," he nodded.


	168. Hors d'oeuvres

"Oh,do please call me Helen."

Severus watched as his godson reached out and placed a light kiss on the back of Helen's hand. "I believe you know my wife,"

"Ginny, good to see you as always," Norm said, shaking the redhead's hand.

"Welcome to our home. Narcissa has to stay here for a bit to greet arrivals, so let me to show you where where the best hors d'oeuvres are," she mock whispered with a wicked grin for her mother-in-law.

Severus and Hermione trailed after the foursome thoroughly perplexed. "We're so glad you could make it," Draco was saying.


	169. Damned if I Know

"My mother tells me that she's been learning about the Muggle world from you and your daughter, Helen," Draco said courteously.

"That's mostly Hermione, I believe," Helen twinkled in return, tossing a smug smile over her shoulder at her daughter. "Cissa and I have only met for tea a few times in the past few weeks."

 _A few times?_ Severus mouthed at Hermione with a raised brow. She shook her head, clearly as confused as he.

"She's an absolute delight - so proud of you and Ginevra. You look wonderful tonight, by the way Ginny."

"Thanks, Helen," the younger witch replied.


	170. Double the C, Double the S

They stood around a cocktail table as a surprisingly convivial quartet for a few minutes while Narcissa ushered in the last of the guests. Catching a signal from his mother, Draco snapped his fingers. "Here we are," Draco said as a smartly dressed house elf offered a tray of elf made champagne. "You'll need this when we get started, I think."

A moment later, Narcissa's magically magnified voice soothed the room. "Welcome, friends and thank you all for contributing to our efforts to bring Wizarding Traditions to Hogwarts. Just today I was informed that our endeavor is already a success!


	171. Work to be Done

She paused for the mild applause, smile broadened as she continued to speak to the gathered crowd. "Thanks to your generous donations and an endowment from the war reparations fund and the Wizengamot Chief Warlock Redelf, an educational position at Hogwarts has been fully endowed for a trial basis of three years! I have been asked, and gratefully agreed, to fill this post myself for this period. Thank you, Headmistress McGonagall, for this wonderful opportunity both personally and for our children." She raised her glass once again.

"But lets us not forget, there is still more work to be done."


	172. Redesign!

"I know you are all as thrilled as I to hear that the Wizarding Traditions post has been secured, but I have recently come to realize that there is another inequity that must be addressed at Hogwarts," Narcissa continued.

"Your auction purchases tonight will now serve to supplement not one, but TWO Hogwarts programmes. A certain famous war heroine has recently shown me some wonders of the Muggle world - a delight I intend to share. With the blessing of Minerva McGonagall and under the direction of the doctors Granger, the Hogwarts Muggle Studies programme is about to receive a redesign!"


	173. How New?

Severus looked over at his lover as she made a nearly inhuman squee of delight, then slapped her hands over her mouth, wide-eyed.

"Ah, I can see we've delighted Professor Granger," Narcissa said with a warm smile as the gathered dignitaries chuckled at the blushing witch. "I do hope you're all prepared to open your vaults for a good cause tonight. The auction is at nine - in the meantime, please enjoy the refreshments and dancing!"

Hermione whirled on her parents as her new friend left the dais. "You didn't say a word, Mum!"

Helen laughed. "Well, it's all rather new!"


	174. Modern Medicine

"How new, exactly?" Hermione asked, leading her parents away from the crowds as Severus followed them.

"Two days new, actually. The Headmistress indicated that she has no desire to replace the current professor of - Muggle Studies?" Severus nodded. "Good, well so she asked your father and me to consult. We'll be leading a few fieldtrips into Muggle London."

"Starting with our practice!" Norm chimed in with a little chuckle. "The idea is to expose magical children to the mundane magics of modern medicine, the cinema, and an amusement park."

Severus snorted at the image of magical children on roller coasters.


	175. Jitterbug

"That's...wonderful! I hope I can assist."

"I believe that's rather what Cissa and Minnie had in mind," Helen said.

"Minnie?" Severus and Hermione chorused.

"But we can chat about this more next week," Norm replied firmly. "Your mother forced me into this fancy getup and spent the last two days frantically looking for hers, so I'm going to go show it of. Ta!" And without further ado, Norm twirled his wife onto the dance floor where they looked...decidedly odd jitterbugging next to the other dancing magical couples.

"My parents are…"

"Terrifyingly wonderful," Severus finished with a fond smile.


	176. Still Waters

"Well, they look like they're having fun," a familiar voice said from behind them. "Evening Hermione, Severus."

"Harry! Luna!" Hermione said, turning to hug her friends. "Where are Ron and Pansy?"

"St Mungo's," Harry said with a wry grin. "Luna did something to our floo after...erm...an incident a few weeks ago and now it doesn't work quite right. We were all going to leave from Pansy and Ron's, but found him running around and looking for his tie as Pansy waited for a large enough break in his screaming to announce that her water had broken."


	177. The Bowtruckle Rite

"Why aren't you with them?" Severus asked. "I thought you and Ronald were joined at the hip."

Harry laughed at that. "We saw them to the birthing ward and were going to stay, but...that waiting room is awfully small," he said with a blush. "Molly was already there with Arthur, Bill, Fleur, Charlie, and the twins. We didn't want to add to the crowd. I'm tasked with letting Ginny know while I'm here," he finished.

"Are your parent trying to perform the Bowtruckle rite?" Luna asked as Norm swung Helen around in a circle. "Because they're doing it wrong."


	178. Such Decorum

"Doing what wrong?" Ginny asked, sidling up to the crowd of friends. "Hi Harry, Luna," she said with a cherry smile.

"Gin," Harry said, hugging his erstwhile girlfriend. "Ron sends his love. Pans is in labor, so their at St. -" Harry's statement was cut off by the eardrum bursting shriek Ginny emitted.

A ballroom full of heads swiveled toward the redhead as the music ground to a halt.

"I can see those decorum lessons took," Severus said, sipping his whisky. "Nothing to see but happy tidings," Severus announced to the room, nodding to the orchestra as they struck up again.


	179. A Waltz

Severus fidgeted, readjusting his waistcoat. His eyes brightened a bit as he heard the opening strains of a waltz. "If you'll excuse me, I believe this is my dance. Hermione?" He proffered an arm.

"With pleasure," she said, placing her arm on his.

He guided her to the dance floor, glancing back to admire the way her dress swished around her legs as she turned into his arms.

"Thank goodness they've gone with a waltz. My parents looked wonderful, but I don't think the wizarding world is ready for lindy."

"Who?"

"Lindyhop. Swing dancing. That's what my parents were doing."


	180. Shared Activites

"I...see. Is that a practice I need to take up as well? To...please your parents?" Severus wondered aloud.

"Good heavens, no. I fumble my way through it. Mum dragged Dad off to a lesson for their thirtieth anniversary and they were hooked. They go to conferences and such a few times a year now."

Severus contemplated this a moment before nodding. "It is good for a couple to have shared activities." Then he thought further. "What is our shared activity?"

"Well, we brew together."

"That's also occupational." He thought a moment. "We could always take up mini golf."


	181. A Gruff Man

She looked up at him with a laugh in her eyes. "Now that's an idea. Though I'd dearly love to see you blast that fuschia mammoth to pieces."

"Oh, no," he responded with a smile in his voice. "I'm rather fond of that furry monstrosity."

"Good gods, Severus. Really?"

"Of course. It's where I first began to realize how much I love you."

He was rather pleased when her breath hitched.

They danced in silence a few moments longer before she spoke again. "You know, for someone who pretends to be gruff, you are often the most wonderfully sentimental man."


	182. Oh, That --

Severus looked at Hermione's curls as the pair swung about the floor and found himself...well pleased with the state of affairs. Hermione seemed to be enjoying herself and he was getting along with her friends. Even the doctors Granger were having a fun time serving as the resident "Muggle Experts" and entertaining the crowd with tales of biting patients and battles with the National Health.

"Love?" Severus asked quietly as the music swirled to an end.

"Mmm?"

"How would you feel about escaping a bit early?"

"Oh, that -"

"Granger," Draco said, appearing at their side. "Mother needs you now."


	183. One Does

Hermione gave Severus a quick peck on the cheek and murmured "I'll be back after the auction," before scampering off to help the Malfoy matriarch with...whatever.

Severus frowned and fingered the ring in his trouser pocket as he wandered back to the table where he and Hermione had left their friends.

"Trouble in paradise?" a voice asked from behind him.

Severus stiffened and turned. "I wasn't aware that you were invited this evening, Lucius."

"Does one really need an invitation to visit one's son and wife?" he asked, biting the last word off.

"One does," Ginny responded with heat.


	184. Crups

"Minty?"

A nattily dressed elf popped up at her side. "Yes mistress?"

"I don't believe Lord Malfoy was invited. Please escort him from the premises," Ginny held herself with a bearing that would make Narcissa proud. "Quietly."

"As mistress commands," Minty replied, snapping her fingers. Without so much as a pop, Lucius Malfoy disappeared.

"Where did she send him?" Harry asked quietly.

"The crup kennels," Ginny replied with a feral grin.

Severus snorted his firewhiskey, wincing as some of it made an appearance in his prodigious nose. "Remind me to never piss you off."

"Words to live by," Harry winked.


	185. Finally (finally!)

The evening dragged onward as Narcissa, with Hermione's assistance, proceeded to lead the auction for the new and improved Muggle Studies programme. Severus raised an eyebrow as his donation, one privately brewed batch of any Class II or Class III potion (non-lethal, legal, and non-will binding) went for over 100 galleons. Hermione's Tea and Tour of Muggle shopping only brought in 83.

Finally (finally!) the auction was done. Over 10,000 galleons were raised and a proud Narcissa was making a victory lap around the dance floor with the Minister and Minerva McGonagall.

Meanwhile, Severus sought out his missing lover.


	186. Searching

He found her at the center of a group of wizards, wonderfully oblivious to their attentions as she discussed some of her hopes of contributing to the Muggle Studies programme. Severus, however, noticed that their stares drifted considerably further south than he was comfortable with and that, no matter how articulate she might be, her audience was far too inebriated to remember the conversation in the morning.

He cleared his throat as he approached the gathered crowd. "Well done, love. I hadn't realized you'd contributed to the auction too." He pressed a soft, if somewhat declarative, kiss to her forehead.


	187. A Good Brew

"Ah, but they still bid more for you than for me!" she joked to the amusement of all.

"A good brew is hard to come by," Harry commented by her shoulder. "Which is why I bid on it so 'll talk soon, Severus?"

"At your service, Harry," he said with a slight bow before turning back toward his lover. "Now my dear, you promised me a walk in the gardens."

"So I did, she replied without blinking an eye. She placed her arm in his and allowed him to escort her toward the terrace doors before whispering. "Whew! Thanks."


	188. Old-Fashioned

"Were you not enamored of your admirers?" he asked, pitching his voice to the sultry level that he knew turned her knees to jelly.

He was rewarded for his efforts when she leaned into him, pressing her chilled skin against the smooth wool of his dress robe and resting her head on his shoulder. "I was about two minutes away from hexing Lord Leery Eyes back there," she said with a huff.

He snickered at her alliteration. "Would it be terribly old-fashioned of me to confess that I'd considered it as well?"

"Yes, but I love that you're old-fashioned. Sometimes."


	189. Unexpected Sweetness

"You sometimes love that I'm old-fashioned? Or you love that I'm sometimes old-fashioned?"

"Yes," she giggled.

He rolled his eyes. "Well how is a man supposed to keep up with that?" he muttered.

"By asking questions. By keeping the lines of communication open. By listening when I ask you to not. "

"Sounds like a lot of work to me."

She sighed and allowed his arm to tighten around her. "All the best things in life are."

"Well, you are," he allowed.

"And that's why I don't mind the old-fashioned. You temper it with such wonderfully unexpected sweetness."


	190. Twisted

He knew his smile was crooked - too many fists to the face at too young an age for it to ever straighten, even with magic - but was pleased when she smiled in return. "Are you ready to leave now?" he rumbled in her ear.

At her nod, he guided her toward a large open window at the far end of the balcony and through a series of small sitting rooms. She kept up with his pace, the clipping of her heels a steady metronome against the music of the gala. In minutes, they reached the apparation foyer and twisted away.


	191. Bubbles

He was well used to the effects of moving through the compressed tunnel of space. It remind him of the fizzy drinks his father would sneak him on a good day - back when there were good days - and he privately imagined himself a bubble racing to the top of a straw to explode on the tongue. He knew the experience made many ill, but he'd always found it pleasureable; moreso with Hermione pressed against him for those scant moments as they whisked across the country.

When they landed he looked up and smirked, pleased to see their destination once again.


	192. appropriate

"What are we doing here?" Hermione asked, looking up after her head settled from the surprise apparation. The fuschia pachyderm in front of her identified their location as the mini-golf course they'd once played, now closed for the evening.

"I rather thought it'd be nice to return to where this all began," Severus said, cupping her cheek in his cold hand. "It seemed...appropriate."

She laughed at that. "Severus, this began with a fantastic kiss in the staff room."

"Our relationship, yes, but not this," he said cryptically.

"What is this exactly?" Hermione said, looking up from between furrowed brows.


	193. Selected

" This ," Severus said, reaching into his pocket, "was selected for you." He placed a small box into Hermione's hand.

"Severus Snape, are you proposing to me?"

"And if I am?"

"Then I'm accepting," she said with a broad smile and suspiciously damp eyes.

"Oh, thank Merlin."

"You didn't seriously think I'd refuse?"

"When addressing the woman you love and asking her to merge her life with yours, the merest threat of failure can be debilitating," he deadpanned.

She laughed through her tears, "That is the worst declaration of love ever! And also the sweetest thing you've ever said to me."


	194. Babbling

He watched as she popped the lid on the jeweler's box. "Oh, Severus, it's lovely," she sniffed.

"I'll admit to having some help. Your mother said you admired the stone and that you dislike diamonds and other overly shiny folderol," he said as he removed the ring from the box. "And I so wanted to get you something that you'd like. I want you to wear this stone for the rest of our lives, so it had to be perfect-"

"Severus, you're babbling," she said in awe. "I've never heard you babble. This has to be the strangest evening ever."


	195. The Kinkiest

He grinned at her, his heart in his face. "Let's go four for four then. Strangest proposal location," he said, gesturing toward the shadowed mammoth, "worst declaration of love," he slipped the ring onto her left hand, "my first babble since I was in short pants," he leaned in to press a kiss to her lips, then pulled away.

"And the fourth?" she asked, curling her fingers around the jewel on her fourth finger.

"And kinkiest way to celebrate an engagement."

"Oh?" she said, a single eyebrow raised in an unconscious mimicry of her new fiancé.

His smile was wicked.


	196. Mine

Severus rolled his shoulders and and advanced on his bride-to-be, slowly backing her up until her back pressed against the cabinet that housed the putters. He reached out, wrapping his hand in her hair before leaning forward and nipping at that place on her neck that always made her knees turn to jelly. "You and I, Miss Granger, are going to christen this every hole on this golf course before morning."

"Every hole, Severus? Really? Just what kind of girl do you take me for?" she laughed breathlessly at her own joke.

A growl sounded low in his throat. "Mine."


	197. Wandering Hands

"Absolutely," she breathed as his hands wandered down to tease. "Yours. All yours."

He was rather pleased with himself as he made short work of her gown, sending it to hover mid air to save it from the worst wrinkles. "Oh, you're stunning," he said as he drew in the sight of her standing there in matching bra, knickers, and suspenders. He wanted to run his tongue over the lace of her undergarments, but contented himself with his lips to hers.

Her sigh was music to his ears. "So beautiful, inside and out," he murmured. "How am I so lucky?"


	198. Sated

They came together in a flurry of movement on the windmill bridge first before grabbing and thrusting and licking their way over toward the Frog King hole. There was a particularly fraught moment in which a giggling Hermione staved off her lover's kisses while she cast wandless cushioning, cleansing, and barrier charms on the green of the cricket themed hole before Severus could leap on her once again.

Despite their best intentions, though, their bodies gave out somewhere around the seventh hole. "No more," Hermione panted.

"Agreed. Another orgasm might kill me."

She huffed out an exhausted, yet sated laugh.


	199. It's All in the Timing

"At this rate I wouldn't be surprised if we both turned up pregnant in a few weeks."

Severus sat up abruptly, dislodging a Muggle garden gnome from its perch and sending it toppling into the water hazard. "Did you forget -"

"No, Severus!" Hermione said, sitting up and rushing to reassure him. "It was just a joke!"

"Well, I know I can't bloody well conceive, but you're quite another matter…" he trailed off, momentarily distracted by the sway of her breasts as she twisted to face him.

"Oh, I want a family with you Severus. Just not until we're both ready."


	200. Amen to That!

"I find," he said slowly, "that the more I am with you, the more I am ready to embrace my life - our life to the fullest."

Hermione's eyes widened. "You mean..."

"I am not saying that we need to have a child right this moment. I'm traditional enough to want us wed," he said with a wry smile. "But...I do not thing we need delay long if you don't wish to, Hermione."

"I don't. I want it all, Severus. The wedding, a family - but most of all you."

"You will have me. Always."

"Then let's go home and begin."


	201. Epilogue

The taste of Hermione's lips was pure ambrosia. Severus thought, not for the first time, that he could lose himself in her kisses and never regret a thing.

The slight tug at his trouser leg, however, insisted that he return to reality.

"Daaaaad!" Padraic whinged. "It's your tuuuuurn."

Alessia chimed in with the ten minutes of maturity she held over her twin. "Let Mummy go. People are waiting on us."

"You can take my turn, Alessia," Severus murmured, kissing his wife again.

"But Daaaad, you said this was your favorite hole!" his son protested, pointed toward the windmill.

"Second favorite, surely," Hermione whispered in his ear, voice sultry after being rather thoroughly snogged in the middle of the first hole green.

Chuckling, Severus moved to pick up his putter with a wink. "Time for that tonight, dearest," he admonished, reminding her of their plans for later - much later - in the evening.

He lined up his shot, putted the pink ball toward the spinning blades of the mill, and...missed.

Spectacularly.

* * *

I gave myself some leeway on this one...more than 100 words. Surely Alessia and Padraic deserve that much.

And that, my friends, is the end of Snake in the Hole. I still plan to go back and illustrate the fic, but my 2d art skills are slow and...um...crude? So It may be another 7 months before I finish all the watercolors.

Thank you all for sticking with me through this fic and thank you in particular to those who took the time to comment (and sometimes converse!) nearly every day. You all make my day brighter.

And thank you, Toodaloo, for this challenge. *hugs*


End file.
